When divorce is inevitable

We can not say that divorce - always evil. But it is not good, it is beyond doubt. When to divorce and how to survive this painful and multifaceted process? The decision to divorce is rarely comes on the same day. Usually it is preceded by a long period of tests to improve relations, the truce, a quarrel again ... Sometimes, this process is so tedious and complicated, which is quite exhausting and soul no longer wants anything - neither living together nor talk, neither peace nor war.

When an hour after the reconciliation you're already thinking about why you needed it - which means it's time, when divorce is inevitable . I have one friend that was going to get divorced for fifteen years. Finally, grow up daughters, she finally decided. Already five years have passed since the divorce, but she can not of anything else to think, and all the talk about what they would not start, will inevitably come back to him - the former spouse. I fear that his ghost will not give her anything to live quietly on, or to adjust his personal life. What could be sadder?

What keeps people away from a divorce, why, when it is clear both that it can not be avoided, they are slow? Say - love, habit, belief in miracles? Sometimes - perhaps, but a very limited extent. This - the version for the press. Sometimes a divorce can be a hindrance religious beliefs. If a family of Catholics older generation insists on respect for traditions, a divorce - really a problem. Orthodox Christians or atheists is hard to understand, but those who are familiar with this, it is clear that is not so easy to divorce, if you were married in the church. Disperse it certainly does not hurt, but leave to marry a Catholic woman who broke up with her husband, is almost impossible. That is, legally, yes - but church does not recognize the marriage, the divorce must still be approved at the highest level and have good reasons to not include psychological incompatibility.

There is a bike that children retain a divorce. Perhaps such cases are, but to me they are unknown. The most simple argument leads to the idea that a child is easier to meet with the parent who does not live with them in a calm atmosphere, than to live in fear, looking at the mutual hatred of the mother and father. Spouses often do not hesitate to tools, methods and expressions. There are those who record telephone conversations, establish surveillance of her husband. Think out of jealousy? In any case. This is - competent trial preparation, remember!

So, clearly, what is the meaning for some pulling back from a divorce? Alas, sometimes in a very prosaic things - an apartment, car, cottage, property, bank accounts. Even if you think that your husband (wife) on it can not, do not think that there is not wise adviser or your successor (or successor) that it will teach. Marriage contracts are somehow not accepted by our attitude. Wedding in the presence of counsel seems blasphemous. Perhaps this is correct, because the contract, in the end, you can also challenge or to find in him weakness and a clue. What is an American right, often does not fit Russian.

So we will not discuss the advantages and disadvantages of marriage contracts, and get back to our colorful reality and think about how to behave in a divorce. Do not let the opposing side of the trump cards against him - do not let his fists do not roll up your hysterics, do not eat anyone's life - it can play against you in many areas, and even end up not only a smaller share of the property, but even the official home or mental hospital. Do not tell my husband (his wife) that are going to remarry - this extra information, besides giving a pretext to accuse in divorce it is you, as a morally unstable side. And it does not matter that her husband does not miss one skirt, and you no longer live together as husband and wife - as long as you're not officially divorced, the court would interpret this fact against you.

Look for the normal version of the exchange apartments, because it can take a long time, and takes a lot of money, time and health. Does not involve children - it is unethical, and then, your children relies care of both parents, do not spit in the child's soul, do not configure a child against. Wiser and nobler than vice versa, to explain to him that the divorce between the parents - it's not a divorce for parents with children. Let the children decide how they communicate. Your noble and proper behavior will do more than tales of his father's meanness or dishonesty of the parent. Put this conversation to the time when the child grows. Do everything in order not to deprive a child of any attention or care.

We do not call, of course, tell the child that an alcoholic and a parasite - a good man. But something is good it is. Reasonable to lament about how he managed to stay a man, and tell the children that part of the truth, which is hard to say - about your relationship before the wedding, how he was, and how do you hurt that he has changed so that it You can not live together. That is, tell the truth, but do not invent what way to share the children with their father.

Children often feel guilty about a divorce of parents themselves - because of his bad behavior, existence itself. Some parents do sometimes dropping comments that push children to these thoughts. This is - the greatest evil that can cause your child. Then, after the divorce, the child begins to feel odd - because the mother could marry. This is another reason that should not delay the divorce. When a child is 4-5 years, it can still be recognized as the father of another man. Rather, however, that this man can recognize his inner child this age, if at all capable of it. For men, a child - is the one whom he raised, and the child of the woman.

Re-marry, of course, it should be. But the choice of partner, a woman who has a child should be taken very cautiously, and how her choice will be a father to him, should be an important, if not the principal. Remarriage can be, and even has a chance to become successful. After all, experience - is something that can not help making mistakes, but the notion that you do not need help to understand what you want. The main thing is to make these findings in silence. You should not constantly compare the ex-partner and the guy who made it is now. Especially it concerns the intimate details.

If the husband has children from his first marriage, do not let him meet them, even if you think that the ex-wife just once from the uses to achieve some of their goals, whether tangible claim or desire to improve relations with ex-husband. It is difficult, but necessary. And we can not even give a recipe how to do it, it all depends on specific people. The general sense of what to think about the welfare of her husband, about his feelings for children, and that you feel your baby and you. In that order. Be honorable so that reminds my husband of birthdays of his children, buy gifts. You can even chat with his ex-wife on the needs of children. Be the initiator of this conversation. No matter how he finished, and what would you have not heard - behave decently, and make it clear that in any secret negotiations and secrets there is no need, as well as in separate talks behind your back. You understand that the duty to children is not related to marriage and divorce, and always willing to help. Moreover, relying on reciprocity.

Sometimes this line of conduct is given it is difficult, but it is the only true and correct. Otherwise you will have polusemya and your child - poluotets. If the remarriage child is born, it is believed that it strengthens the marriage. But if you have a child from his first marriage, you should consult him before taking such a decision. All will be well in only one case - if the older child will see that the attitude toward children is equal. This is so important, and relates more to her stepfather. And here the position of a woman who remarried, must be unique - it should not forget that a man finds another woman and a woman - a man. The child also can not be alone, orphaned and give him a second time, especially if the mother herself pushes it into the background - she has no right.