On one of his seminars I gave away their wards sheets of paper and pen and asked them to write to me frankly, what, what circumstances to make them feel miserable. Of course, the more is the answer, I said, the better - it will give me the opportunity to thoroughly prepare for our next meeting, using concrete material and using a variety of reasons that make people unhappy. I promised to stay on the ills of life in each separately, are not overlook a single leaflet ... However, when I read what's written my players, I realized that, in essence, it is not thirty-two reasons why (so many people that day was in my workshop), and all ... and four answers my players could easily be divided into groups, as in the world there are not many things that lead people to despair.

Outwardly, of course, one human life is very different from each other, sometimes it seems that they can not even compare with each other, but if you look in the root, then we can understand a simple truth: no matter who you are - a famous actress or a simple teacher - no one nor the other are not immune from unrequited love or a serious illness. And she and the other an equally strong wish to be happy - though the concept of happiness is perceived by these women in different ways. So I decided to not stop at each response separately, as planned initially, and make out of order, which prevents you from being happy?

The first reason - the fear of death

Manifestation of the fear of death are very diverse: some people are starting to sleep poorly, lose weight, pale, their mental state significantly affects the well-being. Other people apparently did not change, however, begin to perform unexpected actions, with their own hands to ruin his own life voluntarily deprive themselves of the opportunity to be happy. Someone falls into a depression, a man repeatedly commits suicide attempts, although seemingly never showed suicidal. As you can see, anything can happen. But always one - a man who nestle in the subconscious fear of death, he feels trapped, he was ill, although he is not aware of the reason for his bad moods and disturbing thoughts, he is in disarray, and sees no way out of the impasse which turned out to be.

As a rule, fear of death does not appear in person by himself, out of nowhere, often lay in his brain child, parents and other relatives. As a child, a person is defenseless against such an invasion, and because fear is firmly settled in it, take root and take root. You may ask - how is it they say, if the fear is accompanied by a man from the earliest years of his life, then why it manifests itself only after many years, when a person becomes an adult? This is a very important question, because this is where lies the main catch. You see, the fear of (any, not only fear of death! ") Is open makes itself felt only when something comes to him in a contradiction. In other words, while the person is moving in the right direction and will not deviate from the chosen course, the fear will remain silent. But if someone, for whatever reason, wants to change the line of conduct, then the fear will manifest itself immediately, stirred up happening.

The second reason - fear of old age

That for us women, mean age? I asked this question and very young women and older, and that's what kind of response I received most often: old age - is the loss of beauty and attractiveness, loneliness, unsettled in life, feebleness and weakness. Some women, however, were confident in his future and said they were not afraid to grow old, because they have a loving husband, wonderful children, a favorite thing and so on. But even aware of all this, how can a woman do not regret the fact that the years are flying so fast, adding to her wrinkles on the face and gray in their hair? Why then are women to dye your hair and apply makeup? Of course, everything we fear old age and tried to banish it from myself, at least for a time to forget about it! And it is quite natural. However, some in whom this fear grows to enormous size, and this is bad.

Of course, I will not comfort you to meaningless words like: calm, do not worry about old age and feel young - and all in the same spirit. I understand that just take time and time again to stop chewing on the thought of old age will not work - it's your sick theme, it hurts you and makes methane from side to side in search of a way. I had to listen to and lamentation on the fate of Dvadtsatisemiletny girls, which found in their first wrinkle, and the groans of fifty women whose menopause began. I know that the thought of old age unpleasant at any age, but just as well I understand that old age is still coming, whether we like it or not. And my advice is always sound the same, to whom I addressed it either: if you still can not do anything to change the existing order of things, then there is no need to tighten and better relax and stop harassing you. It's not just pretty words - it is a philosophy of life. However, for that she acted, you need to grasp the meaning of the words and feel them, as they say, to the bottom.

Reason Three - fear not occur as a person

Too many women are afraid not to get married and thus did not take place as wife and mother. All of us from childhood flog 'worldly truth': women's purpose is to successfully get married, have children and devote his whole life family. This, of course, wonderful life purpose, and if you can shrink your entire world to the family, it is very good for you. But what if, for some reason you can not get married or you are unable to become the ideal housewife and an exemplary wife and mother? Is this a sufficient reason, to consider themselves as having failed the personality? It seems to me that you are wrong, kompleksuya on such an insignificant matter.

So before you panic and take his life failed and is not complicated, think - what makes you think so? We all want to recognize their importance and significance, to be indispensable, and we all somehow doubt myself. But judge for yourself: if you suddenly go away somewhere, is it not there in the world at least one person who would miss you, that was not enough to talk with you, your love or friendship? And if you're someone who needs it, it means that you do not live in vain in the world! Our value is determined by the ratio of people to us.

Reason Four - grief, pain, loss

Unfortunately, none of us is immune to grief: death of loved ones, unhappiness with one another, self-mutilation, separation for life and so on - can not help it, everything in life happens. And, of course, it would be strange if I started to comfort you and advise "to suffer a little." Yes, over time, several pain subsides, it becomes not so sharp as before, and yet the pain is always pain. And the only possible way to survive the grief - it is to find a life purpose to which it would be worth to strive for which you could live.

No one can save people from suffering, or make him forget about his grief, but unsociable, and sink into the abyss of despair - does this mean to ruin ourselves and to put an end to their lives. I understand that it is a grief that is almost impossible to survive - well, your pain will always be with you, but live on at least to remember the happiness that will never come back to you. Memory - is also a gift, get it. And you know, after a while you feel that you are able to want something and something to strive for. Life will help you if you do not come to terms with their loss, then at least learn to live with her. If one day you lose your happiness, it does not mean that you will never again be happy. Happiness - it is in fact different: in his youth - pure and cloudless as the spring sky, in his mature years - a calm and deep as the sea ... Learn to be happy, despite the wounds and pain, happiness - it's not blissful ignorance, and sure knowledge, this balance of yin and yang, black and white, yes and no, happy people will be able to overcome the mountains, and an unhappy not master even the bumps. Do not forget about it.