What should I do if my child refuses to comply with what he is asked
Consider a very frequent cause conflicts when trying to cooperate with the child. Sometimes, parents are willing to teach or assist in any number and manner of its monitors - not angry, not ordered, do not criticize, but it is not. This happens with too zabotlivymiroditelyami who want for their children more than children themselves. Remember one episode. It was in the Caucasus, in winter, during school holidays. On the ski slope riding for adults and children. And in the middle of the mountain stood a small group - mom, dad and their ten year old daughter. Daughter - in new children's skiing (a rarity at the time), in a nice new suit. They were arguing about something. Once there, I could not help hear the following conversation:
- Tomochka - said my father - well, do at least one turn!
- I will not - capriciously pulling shoulders of Tom.
- Oh, please - my mother included. - We need only a little push sticks. Look, Dad now show (male shown).
- She said I will not - and I will not! I do not want - the girl said, turning away.
- Tom, we've tried so hard. Specially came here, that thou mayest, for tickets paid dearly.
- And I do not ask!
How many children, I thought, dreaming of just such skis (for many parents, they simply can not afford), such a possibility to be on a big hill with a lift, a trainer who was taught to ride. And this well-dressed girl has it all. But she, like a bird in a golden cage, does not want anything. Yes and it's hard to want, when advance anyone you think will "run up" immediately and dad and mom. Something similar sometimes happens with the lessons. In psychological counseling, please visit the father of fifteen Oli.
Daughter does not do anything around the house, go to the store is not questioned, leaving dirty dishes, your underwear, too, does not erase the leaves watered for 2-3 days. Generally the parents are ready to release the Olu of all cases - if only she studied. But learn she did not want to. Come from the school - either on the couch lying either on the phone hangs. Rolled at the troika "and" twos. " Parents have no idea how it goes in the tenth grade. And on the final exams and did think about fear. Mom works so that one day at home. These days, she only thinks about Olina lessons.
Pope calls from work: Olya sat there to do? No, not the village: "Here comes dad with work with him, and will teach". Pope goes home and teaches at Metro Olina history textbooks, Chemistry. Comes home "fully armed". But not so easy to beg Olu get engaged. Finally, somewhere in the ten o'clock Olga makes me a favor. Reads the problem - her dad is trying to explain. But Ola did not like how he does it: "Still do not understand." Reproaches Oli alternate coaxing dad. Ten minutes later it ends in general. Olya pushes textbooks, sometimes rolls his tantrum. Parents now think, if she did not hire a tutor.
What should I do if my child refuses to comply with what he is asked? Error Olina parents that they really want to have their daughter went to school, and that they want it, if I may say so, instead of Oli. In such cases, I always remember an anecdote. Run along the platform people in a hurry, late for a train. The train started. Barely barely catching the last train, jump on the bandwagon, they throw things after the train departs. Remaining on the platform in exhaustion fall on the bags and start to laugh out loud. "What are you laughing?" - Ask them. "So in fact what our mourners left!".
Agree that parents who are preparing lessons for their children, or "come" together with them in high school, in English, math, music schools, are very similar to those seeing them off the mountain. In an emotional rush, they forget that it does not go to them and the child. And then he often "stays on the apron. So it was with Olga, whose fate was to follow over the next three years. She could hardly finished high school and even enrolled in an uninteresting for its engineering school, but not finished and first-rate cast to learn.
Parents who want too much for the child, as a rule are themselves difficult to live. They have no strength or time to their own interests and personal life. The severity of their parental duty is clear - in fact have all the time to pull the boat against the current! And what it turns out to children?
In front of me mom and fourteen-year-old daughter. Mother - an energetic woman with a loud voice. Daughter - sluggish, unresponsive, no interest, does nothing, does not go anywhere, with anyone not friendly. True, she is quite docile, that line her mother to her no claims.
Left alone with the girl, asking: "If you had a magic wand, what would you have asked for it?" The girl thought for a long time, and then quietly and hesitantly replied: "To make myself like the fact that they want from my parents." The answer I was deeply struck by how well parents can take away the energy of a child of his own desires!
But this extreme case. More often children are fighting for the right to desire and obtain what they need. And if the parents insist on a "regular" cases, the child with the same determination begins to engage in "wrong", no matter what, just to own or even "reverse". This is especially the case with adolescents. A paradox: a stalwart parents unwittingly alienate children from serious work and responsibility for their own affairs.
