What is manipulation? " This is an indirect message that indirect action. For example, if you want that other people would communicate more with you, but instead refer to them directly, using a variety of maneuvers, so that they get noticed and have started to communicate with you. This is - manipulation. In fact - the pressure on another person, the desire to provoke him to do what you expect from him. The best assistant manipulation is the word "should." If you yourself feel that you have something should or should behave in some way, or should look in some way, then, without even noticing you transfer these claims to other people. When you consider that "people should behave in a certain way, you form a series of expectations from others in their inside and is based on those expectations.

This practice usually ends up very sad. Schematically, it looks like.

It all begins with the word "should." At some point in time you begin to expect from themselves, for example: "I do not have to be lonely." Next unconscious action - the transformation of their own ought to ought of other people in relation to you: "Others must love me." After that, you start to expect this love, and in very concrete, specific form. Once again, all these processes are unconscious, that is taking place without your conscious attention.

Next comes the turn of action. You begin to make a series of actions that are intended to draw attention to you other people - those who "must love you." It may be, for example:

- "Doing good" to others when you are requested to do: advice, tips, activities, "improve" the lives of others, in your opinion;

-Eccentric form: a bright clothing or hairstyle, heavily beaten out of everyday life;

-Erratic behavior: the slang, the way to answer a question with a question, the constant irony, telling endless jokes, constant supply of some joint projects, theatrical gestures or manners;

-Select a bizarre topics for communication: the constant conversations about death, sex, money, violence, or the coolness of its uniqueness, including not only good but also bad ("I - the coolest out there, then there is something" or "I - the biggest loser", "I'm very sick" and so on);

Constant criticism, condemnation of other people's gossip.

Indeed, these activities attract attention, and some time you can keep people in a certain emotional state: interest, empathy, fear, joy, gratitude towards you. But ... the effect lasts a very short time, as the human body can not sposobenperezhivat the same state for a long time, it is tedious and, ultimately, destructive. Therefore, staying in the same manner of behavior, you'll see chtolyudi begin to avoid you or annoy you. Therefore, manipulation is never effective, it usually has a one-time success. Faced with the fact that you do not display other sides of personality than your standard-of behavior, other people nachinayutteryat interest in you. Comes the turn of the next stage - your own frustration and resentment. After all, "they should!".

Typically, in these words is contained explicitly or implicitly the message "I have not changed, I do not want change, I waved her hand." The fact that the character - is sustainable combination of habitual actions and behaviors. A child is born without character. Certainly, he has his temperament, which he inherited from one parent. Temperament - the speed and intensity of the flow of nerve processes. In choleric, he is the fastest and intense, a phlegmatic - very slowly and quietly. Temperament - it is not nature. The child lives in a family where people obey certain conscious and unconscious rules. For example, in one family can scream, and the other - you can not. Through punishment, rejection and humiliation of varying degrees of child learns the rules, developing the habit to respond to the actions of adults. For example, one child resents and is closed, because when he does it, Mom immediately starts looking like its console.

The other starts to ignore insults and punishment, because he has no tools to influence the screaming parents, becomes insensitive. The third is hiding in the corner, the fourth protest, the fifth cry, the sixth dodging. These traits are in fact ways in which the child adapts to life in its environment. Imagine, for example, thin sapling. If it is cracked, some time it will grow bent down, and then again begin to climb. Its trunk becomes a bend. And people: because of the actions of adults raising it forms such bends - adjusting for the world, and these curves and are character traits. Remember the picture in the school textbook: poplar, who grew up in the woods and poplar grown in the meadow (open space)? In the same way growing and people.

If it is oppressed, he learns neprityazatelnosti. If it is free - he gets the opportunity to be brighter than yourself. The only difference is that the tree does not need to like the other trees, and people - need. And then, to attract others, he goes on thus "rules" that are received in the family. Or, conversely, totally rejects them. And in fact, and in another case, he is unhappy because it makes not that he wants to do. And it becomes his character. If a child such traits have helped to survive and adapt in an environment where people can not take care of himself, in adulthood, such features are becoming an anachronism: I already know how to take care of themselves, but still behave as though it is - the only way to communicate and live! And the last line, referring to the basics of attraction - it's own desire to change yourself. If "you're a man ..." who does not want to change, your life will change.