People close relations, love - part of our destiny. We do not accidentally create a family and find friends, associates, lovers, partners. Our biological nature causes us to love. We love because:

• love - is what most strongly moves us through life, reveals, teaches, enhances awareness, pushing for perfection, teaches forgiveness and acceptance;

• love - this is so, we continue the human race;

• family - a place where people can regain their strength after urgent cases or in front of a great feat to get support in difficult moments of their lives, to share joy and sorrow;

• loved ones are needed for each of us, since everyone needs to make sure that his ideas, thoughts and feelings received a response in the hearts and minds of others;

• Each of us needs a person with whom you can just ... advice.

Maybe someone who reads this text will say: "Well, I do not need me to his own counsel, friend and loved one" - I believe there are such people. However, on closer acquaintance turns out that they are full of bitterness, loneliness, old pain and hurt, distrust of the people and, frankly, not happy. We love not just from the caprice or imperfections, we love because it's part of our nature that makes us happy and satisfied, full and growing. Do not want love or do not need love - it's like not to want food or need sleep. The man who does not get food for their development - physical, mental or spiritual - is ill, wasting away, disabling and even die.

People who refuse to love, for various reasons (because they fear to love, or because they are many times betrayed), really just to convince themselves that they do not need love. It happens in life: if something can not be achieved, it seems easier to convince yourself that this is not necessary. Remember Krylov's fable "The Fox and the Grapes." However, there is another way: to change their ways of life, ways of presenting themselves to the world and ways of building relationships, starting from the first meeting before the separation. Difficult to control fate, not knowing what to do with their relations and close friends. Relationship Management - part of the art control destiny.

The most frequent question asked by people who do not get to conduct their personal lives: "How do I love?" Then, as a point of change is contained in another question: "How can I learn to love?" The fact that love exists only one obstacle - lack of love within. The main fallacy in this question lies in the fact that under the love of many people mean very different processes. Let us finally understand, what is love . The basis of love lies in the relationship between mother and child. Maternal love says: "You - perfect. You created for this world and the world was created for you. You - part of nature, such as perfect as everything else in nature. You're born to be happy and to know this world, to find my place in it and invest it yourself, your soul, just as this world is you. "

So it should be. But is the case with maternal love, really? In reality, of course, that kind of love that we have described above, rarely seen. Rare mother gives birth to a child with the message "you are perfect." Most often children are born to parents' needs are catered to. Not yet getting to his feet, the child gets a lot of reports indicating the opposite: "You're not perfect and therefore worthy of punishment. The world was created not for you, but for us, and you must obey. You must meet our expectations, and then, perhaps, we recognize your right to life and existence. You should be grateful to us for what came to light. You are bound for life to pay us for it, this is your main responsibility for which you are born. "

Born and brought up with such an installation person is not entitled to their own lives. Instead of living, to explore the world, life, look for my place in it, a child from birth becomes a slave. Duties of the slave does not mean that he needs something. He has no right to not only their own lives, but even the time and place for it - he is busy serving his parents. In the best case - are forced to examine their own lives at the cost of bruising, pain, disappointments and tragedies. We're seeing a lot of these people on TV screens: they are so much in need of love, that are making great strides to prove that they are valuable and worthy of love. But they often remain deeply unhappy people, even reaching the highest results in their professional or social life. Among our clients, this category of people represented rather widely, their childhood experiences: "I have nothing to love" - in adulthood is transformed into something else: "I can not trust anyone, because I love not for what I am, but for my money and my success. " A very sad picture.

So, what next? Next, you see, overprotective or demanding parents, which they call love, creates man in the mass of the complex, self-doubt, mistrust and hostility toward people. Such a person is not itself capable of love. All that he has - is the pain of rejection, fear of punishment, humiliation, injury, insult, and a huge thirst for warmth, affection, support, and respect. This man with hungry eyes looking at the people around them, his eyes screaming: "Give me happiness! Give! Give! "His hunger is running ahead of him, scaring others. When we say that it is hungry look, we understand that this hunger is expressed in all: the how and what he says, what is his voice, gait, posture, how he dressed, how he makes a purchase and how to eat as a break and how it works .

Next is a fantastic thing: our hunger striker finds himself in a couple of ... the same hunger, but impersonating a fed. Small difference between them: they both need someone who will feed them with love. The first one is usually willing to give everything, to be satisfied, and completely dissolved in the second, losing themselves completely, only to feel a drop of heat. The second requires that first all the time proved his love, becoming easier and easier for the second. Familiar? Of course, we added a little grotesque, but if otkristallizovat dialogues such a pair, you get something like this. The great thing - they're both miserable! One sacrifices himself for the crumb of love and the other all his actions considers as a provocation, searching and, of course, finding evidence that he did not sufficiently respect and love.

In this "love", of course, no support, no respect, nor the ability to share joy or sorrow, or to gain valuable advice. In such a relationship is not the main component: the psychological (and often physical) security. And if so, then "war" is everywhere: in all areas of each of these people never rests and not getting satisfaction from life. Even at home, where there should be a comfortable, Saved and rugged strength, there is no corner where I could relax. But the more prevalent phenomenon: emotional dependence. The most "curve" in the world the way to be together with someone, avoid being alone. And the best way to manage others, but not his own life. A man who loves himself, is extremely attractive, and intercourse with him filled with mutual respect, depth and interest. If you live as you want (and this can lead only to self-love), respecting the same rights as other people, you can build an equal relationship in which each crisis leads to growth and not for destruction.