Title of the article sounds preposterous. Afraid of their own children? We are well aware of many of the fears relating to us personally: the fear of an accident on the way, fear of illness, fear, flunk, the fear of death. We are afraid of the possibility of environmental catastrophe, the loss of his job. We are visited and vague (diffuse) fears - we are tormented by insomnia or a feeling of impending failure, a sense of fallibility of their actions. Feeling, or passion, fear - is the best known of sensations. If women are more likely to fear folds, men tend to desire to overcome it: climbing or jumping can combine the experience of fear to overcome it.

So, things that inspire us to fear - a lot, and still do under the same category fall and our children? Are they not among the people closest to us? People, surrounded by our love and care? " What frightens us in our children? " If the fear begins to darken to our children, then the world around us that something is wrong. In normal, harmonious relationship between parents and children fear has no place, the more frightened parent. The presence of fear - a symptom of apparent disadvantage, as was the case when the celebration of the silver wedding had to hire police officers.

However, the reason for this fear? As a rule, he called reports of cases occurring in children and teen groups. Thus, in one school received a distribution of a game called "container". The game was invented by a girl 5 th grade. Primary school pupils are placed in a container, and then drove to the area. Locked inside a child screamed in fear. For a visual sensation of two guys thrown into the container burning newspapers ... In the stories of such cases, the blood freezes in your veins. As a general rule, parents and teachers did not know about it. Children prefer for them not to spread. Events of this kind relate to their age group. Everything has a place here, not to the ears of adults. That happens here, adults are not supposed to know. What frightens them?

Relationship problems of parents and children

In contrast to the contacts that occur during a vacation at a resort or on the basis of rest, when we reveal to each other by their lighter sides, and a state of euphoria stain our partner in pink tones, the relationship between parents and children - a heavy burden, they require mass costs of mental and mental energy and are comparable with incredibly hard work. We have to deal with our emotions, affects and complexes. Relationships between fathers and children is problematic and difficult initially, by definition, by its very nature. Psychological intimacy - is not the only sign of modern family relationships.

Each of the spouses is peculiar desire to become personally involved in children's education! Raising children is not subcontract the governess, school or other external institution - responsible for it are parents. That is why in the case of misbehavior of children heads of educational institutions in the first place to condemn the behavior of parents: "Father had to ..." "As a mother could allow ..." In some schools, parent-teacher conferences give an exaggerated importance. In a family where there are three or four children, the need to visit numerous parent meetings is becoming a serious burden, taking away a lot of time. Here too there is a change in plants: until 60-ies of discussion with parents of children's behavior was not accepted. On the first day of school children sent to school alone.

Destroyed by intra-watershed, stretching between the world of adults and the world of children. The family has ceased to be a place where everyone was allotted to its isolated and inaccessible to other sectors: food - mother, child - children, a cabinet - his father, the border areas have ceased to be respected. This is reflected in transmitting entertainment. In this respect, children are not given entirely to themselves - free time provides an opportunity for joint leisure activities: bicycle rides, swimming pool or relaxing in the resort.

Feelings of parents towards their children also did not differ evenness. Young mothers often with shame and concern are recognized if they have aggressive fantasies: they want to throw the baby out the window screaming, or they feel schadenfreude at failure of his own son. Aggressive or angry feelings do not leave both children and adults. Parents are usually quickly suppressed a similar desire and quench arisen had the momentum: before you leave the child, the mother (or father) more than once ascertained that the window is closed. But the fact remains: such desires and fantasies emerge constantly, staying embarrassing factor for both children and their parents. The breadth of emotional range was, and remains dominant in the relationship between parents and children.

The stark reality of family relationships

Such is the psychological reality, which is in stark contrast to the ideal image of the family. Guided by some ideal notion of family as a self-contained community of people connected by harmonic bonds of understanding and sympathy, we suppress a large part of the spectrum of emotions and affections that are not free to any family. Announcement of the family area of happiness and contentment leads to the fact that the family is difficult in it. Where do they hide their demons? The image of the family, appearing on pages advertisement or projected on neighboring families - an impossible utopia. Family idyll, where there is peace and quiet, does not exist. Such illusions, eliminated any manifestation of negativity in the relationship, generate family members false expectations about themselves and their parents in their children. The family does not guarantee peace, and relations between family members are not free of negative manifestations of the human person.

All this makes the mutual fear of family members is quite legitimate. In case family members are with each other in real, not imaginary relationship, if any between the real, and therefore indissoluble bond, inevitably the emergence of feelings of danger. Our children awaken in us new and new fears. Embarrassing us factor in the behavior of those children are their hobbies, which we do not understand, and those forms of spending leisure time, values of which remain obscure to us, and the consequences which seem to us unpredictable. The mother is in a room of his 14-year-old son star Ninja. The boy explained: "A classmate gave it to his custody." In other words: we are confronted with the phenomena to which we do not know how to treat. We become aware of forms of leisure activities, which are unknown to us, and the degree of harm which we clear. On the one hand, we naturally can not close our eyes to new social trends, and on the other hand, children are afraid of us.

The next item of concern - their vocabulary. There is an incredible coarsening vocabulary. What kind of tolerance can be said when hearing of the children of their own permanent "pancake" and "wear out"? Our patience is over, we go to horror, feel behind the times and begin to frantically seek measures that would put an end to this mockery of language. Often we look at how vulgar speech of our children, only found them in a moment of contact with their peers.

All these observations feed our fears. What frightens us in our children? not whether we are dealing with a "lost generation"? Cricket opposite senses and the fact that obscurity trends and priorities inherent in the new generation, become a constant source of confrontation between parents and children. Our understanding of children's fragmentary, often their world remains for us a mystery, and we can not understand the caprice of youth fashion. As a consequence, the father or the mother is often a sense of failure. Children are not in the way that we pointed out to them. All our efforts at education to waste.