What determines the success of communication?
Understand we may not like we want, so it's important, what to say. When you learn to present themselves differently clearly raises another question: how to resolve conflicting needs? When everyone makes a clear, very quickly becomes clear that the needs of people can be very different and contradict each other. And here face a new challenge: to learn to negotiate. Here is an example of such an agreement: "I hate ironing shirts, but I can do it, if you will clean my boots ..." "I do not want to clean your boots, it's better I'll give shirts to the dry cleaners."
Most people think that he can communicate, but in fact it is not. Often under the ability to communicate with people to understand the ability to talk on different themes or ability to manipulate attention and actions of others. No chatter, no manipulation is failing: can not get other people to treat you the way you want, you can only learn to find common ground. Manipulation, and gossip does not help to build harmonious relationships and avoid conflict at work, not to quarrel with friends.Very often people who are used to communicate that way, coming to us know that the ways in which they regarded as effective, in fact prevented them from interacting with each other. We describe several examples of ineffective communication.
1.Prikazaniya:
"You'll do what I tell you!
-Do not drink any more!
2.Otsenki:
-You went to all of his mother, the same ...
-Are you stupid, you do not see where you go ...
3.Obobscheniya:
-You are always late for work, how long it will last!
-You absolutely do not care, because of the poor performance of Nadezhda Petrovna suffered our whole department!
4.Shantazh:
-Nothing else I have on you and do not expect that!
Ah, well, then I'll go!
Manipulation of people, domination and humiliation are not effective ways of interpersonal interaction. You can see these examples all the time. If the director demeans and insults the staff did not pay them, feeds promises, then in such a company will always be a big turnover. But the chief, who, as a psychologist, feels the each of its employees, is looking for an individual approach to them will be rewarded with a loyal and dedicated staff who will bring the company profit. These principles are well known in the business. And that is as true works in personal relationships. It is surprising that at work we are often willing to save more respect than at home! We suggest you adopt the following rule:
The way we communicate affects the way we treat people like they treat us.Improving the skills of interpersonal communication can open up new opportunities.People who clearly express their thoughts and feelings, have the gift of persuasion to cause a deep respect and sympathy, and attract its clarity and directness. When we articulate our point of view is understandable to others, so likely that they will respond according to our needs. So, what skills you need to effectively communicate with each other: the ability to ask and clarify, the ability to share it with someone important themes and feelings, the ability to react (give feedback, share their feelings, experiences).
What determines the success of communication? successful communication depends not only on the ability to speak, but also the ability to listen. When we attentively and with interest someone listen to spontaneously turn to face the speaker, or a little lean in his direction, establish eye contact with him. Remember how the animals react when you are calling them: they pick up their ears. Ability to listen to "whole body" helps you better understand the interlocutor, underlines the interest in it. In this case, listening implies a certain algorithm that can reproduce and arbitrary:
1. Look at his companion. Eye contact is through the eyes is an important element of communication. If you look in the eyes of the interlocutor, thus you demonstrate that you are important and interesting is what he says. This does not mean that you should watch without blinking or taking her eyes from time to time. Continual eye may cause discomfort. Avoid extremes.
2. React. Let the person know that you listen to it carefully. This can be done, accompanying it buddy repulsion of the head, pronouncing the accompanying words like "yes", "I understand you ..." etc.
3. Do not end a sentence instead of the other person. Sometimes you may see the desire to "help" the speaker and finish the job of the phrase. Even if you are sure that you understand correctly that he wants to tell people, do not try to show it that way. Give the person an opportunity to issue the most thought.
4. Ask questions for understanding. If there is something you do not understand, ask, check: "Do I understand you ..." "You mean that ..." "Are you saying that ..." The reference to the speaker for refinement, the desire to obtain additional information to clarify the position of the interlocutor - indicators of active listening. If you understood what the person wants to say, but he finds it difficult to express the idea, help them question.
5. Rephrase. Paraphrasing means an attempt to clarify the meaning of the utterance by repeating the interlocutor speaking of his own posts, but in their own words. In addition to validation of understanding, paraphrasing allows the speaker to see what he listened to and understand. In such cases, helps to entry, such as: "From your words I understand the following ..." or "Let me check if I understood you correctly? You say that ... "or" I'd like to say that I understand ... "
6. Observe feelings. Phrases: "I understand your condition ..." "I see that you are not easy to talk about it", etc. - show the interlocutor that his condition is understood, he was anxious, to support it. In this case, the emphasis is not on the content of messages, as if paraphrasing, but the reflection of the sentiments expressed by the speaker.
7. Share your experiences. "I am familiar with what you say, I had a similar situation in life, and I ..." "Probably, it's hard to understand you, I have not experienced anything like it ..." If you use these phrases , the caller will feel that you understand it.
One of the most difficult task - it is a balance to ask to keep silent, to share their experiences and feelings and clarify. If you play for time and attention in their favor - you become a man of "stifling" if the alien - "boring".
Bad way to share the experience - in response to a story that told you the other person, to tell their story twice as long.
