"Do not get us wrong - this beautiful aphorism American writer Saltus, like any other paradox, some not accurately reflect reality. We really annoyed when we do not understand. (However, it is no less annoying and you. ") So nothing exceptional about it. Everyone always wants to understand them. That is what is written about the understanding of the St. Petersburg psychologist Andrey Ermolov, in his book "Happiness Factory, or Who Lives Well in Russia:" Let's just define some concepts. When we speak of understanding, we mean that we understand other people as well as themselves, and vice versa, the surrounding is absolutely just understand us. But this is not enough. We will not be sure that we understood, while the other person does not respond positively to our request.

Let me explain. I wanted to, for example, eat an apple. Money, unfortunately, a dime. I approached the seller in the market and say: "So, they say, and so really want apples. It would be desirable so that as much before his eyes dark. Seems to die if an apple is not the singing. Literally a matter of life and death. Give me one, please. " If the seller have mercy on me, poor wretch, and give me an apple, I'll assume that he understood me. And if he says: "Go out, man. On Wednesdays, I have not filed? I will feel understood? Certainly not! I do not understand it, that's all! That is the understanding that the client accepts, the assignment ... If you do not, and understanding (what we have) no.

But it is said of understanding on a global scale. We are now considering a pustyakovinu as our sense of "concept" during and after the talk. It is much easier. We do not expect that, once we finish talking, you throw yourself in all haste to fulfill our requests and whims. All are adults. It is clear that such figushki dozhdeshsya. Although, of course, would like something much soul twist ... (Oh, dream, dream ...) But dwell on the small. On how we feel it is important that we understand in the course of conversation. But really important.

Without this assertion, nowhere.) So, the result is important to us. And how it can be, if we see that our words fall like stones in the well? Yes none. Zero. Therefore, we are closely watching your reaction when we say something important. Feel your attention - keep talking. Know that everything is in order. Slightly doubted your care - go astray with the thought, because in my head like a light bulb breaks:

• She does not understand.

• Something is wrong.

• Probably need to explain in another way.

• And if she can do anything to understand?

This again leads us to stray from the thought.

What we believe attentive listening and understanding? First of all, it's your reaction to our words. If you sit with a straight face, frozen, as if afraid to scare the mouse, we have the feeling that you do not understand, or hovering somewhere in his thoughts. It is not fun to feel like a hypnotist. We are constantly hearing from you certain signals that will show us that you listen and understand. From time to time, you can nod. Even if you disagree with our words. Nod - it's just a sign that our words do not fall into the void. Not anymore. The same can be said of the periodic poddakivaniyah. All there "aha" and "Yeah," uttered from time to time, also show us that you do not sleep and do not disconnect your brain.

All this is quite enough that we have not begun to panic. Nod, assents - then everything is in order. You can continue to flood the nightingale. Beckons still preferable, because we focused more visually. These signals reach us faster and better. In principle you can apply and replicas. But only a very short and in any case not so, over which we might think. If it says something like that, we imagine that we were interrupted. And once again fails - get a man properly . Right now I write it all and find myself thinking that it's easier with us do not talk. Man was a sort of nervous, somewhat obtuse fussy. And do not tell me, and so did not see, and do not be silent here commercials ... It's easier to spit, do everything the most yes then go with girlfriends to talk. Oh, where is it has brought me? .. Nightmare ...

Well, I digress. So, replica ... Anything short and in the mainstream conversation. Example. Scolds a man of his superior - you can bryaknut: "This insolent!" (About the boss, of course). Or: "Just think!" (Not a suggestion to consider, as an exclamation ...) - You can vsplesnut palms. And so on. Simple science. Bye. Difficult to start when it favors, and you will need something to respond. There's a secret. Even if you do not understand or fundamentally disagree with his conclusions, start their counterattack with the repetition of his last words or short (kratkogo!) oral synopsis of his monologue.

Like this: "You say he did not consider it necessary to buy me a new fur coat, because, in your opinion, I do not go fur, right?" He happily nods. Everything. Understand him correctly, he will now relatively calm. And argue with them will become easier. If he yelled: "You're so not understand anything!" - Then you are really missing something and now have a constructive dialogue will be difficult. To summarize. To resume normal communication, you must make clear that it understood the point of view. By any available means to you. Without it, talk more about what else is meaningless. At best, he simply loses interest in the conversation and try to escape. At worst - you will be a scandal. For if you do not know what all you can talk?