Top 9 Tips how to get along with her mother in law

Of course, there are lucky in this world who are lucky enough in-law. Such, according to statistics, about 7%. What do the rest 93%? Read this article and use the advice given in it. Do not think that mother in law - it is such a monster, with whom he is not worth trying to find common ground, and if not friends, then at least to smile politely when they met. In fact, most mother in law - pretty, intelligent woman who just really love their beloved child, and wish him luck. We are talking about your husband, of course. Are you two so much love one person can not find a common language? This can not be!

Tip 1. First meeting: Tune in understanding

 Admit it, you have to meeting with future in-law has her scared. Legends about the monster-in-law live in the world for centuries, and therefore quite normal that you are experiencing mild panic, going on a date with your mom groom. In addition, this same mother also is waiting for your meeting, it set up pretty cautious - but it can be understood, because she nurtured and loved her son so many years, and now he will have to share with someone else. By the usual jealousy can be admixed as a sense of female jealousy - after all you younger and prettier. And at this stage it does not matter whether you live separately or together - easy low pressure in relationships is inevitable. That's where you and should use the first opportunity that gives you the fate and do everything in your power to ensure that between you, a man and a future mother-in nothing and no one stood.

What should I do? Try to be as natural and sincere. But in all situations, try to look at ourselves, put ourselves in the place-in-law. Just so you can understand the motives of her actions, and deeds. Very dangerous and unwise to immediately take your mother in law threatened the well-being. There is such a thing as a materialization of thoughts, so tune in a positive way - and forward.

Remember, your goal is to build a more constructive relationship with his mother-in in the first place, for the sake of her husband. After all, for it is very important to his two favorite people were able to find a common language.

Council. Do not judge a mother-in at a glance. Should not take all her actions with hostility, even if they surprise you. You've been brought up in different families, and it is clear that your views on some issues diverge. Importantly, show her how much you love her son as'll take care of him. And if the mother in law will see that you genuinely care about him, want to make him happy, you can assume that the first brick in the foundation of your relationship has already been laid.

Tactics. At the first meeting should sit next to his in-law, but in no case by contrast, because such a position is considered the most contentious. Try to get it closer to her, not her future husband. Smile at her and say thanks for such a wonderful son she raised. What mother's heart will not melt under these words?

Tip 2. Household in harmony

It is only natural that they are in someone else's family, you will be confronted with strange at first sight things. For example, the habit of drying footwear on the battery, or watch series at maximum volume. Of course, get used to this way of life is so difficult, especially when the modes of living vary greatly. And here it is important to understand that once you are on its territory (and not vice versa), and you should follow the unwritten laws that are adopted in this family.

What should I do? No one is forcing you to follow all the advice in-law. In some situations, you can nod ... and make their own way. But in many situations, your mother in law can give really valuable advice. Admit that in some areas of your mother in law just professional, and be sure to let us know what your conclusion out loud. Let the mother in law sees that you respect her knowledge and experience.

Council. Should show respect for the simple reason that it is older than you, and therefore wiser.

Sometimes you can divide the responsibilities. For example, one prepares and erases the other shops and cleans. However, if your views on housework are opposite, it would be better still live separately. True, go - do not always mean never to see in-law, it also happens that it will become to you go and see, check, how do you live there. Try to treat the situation with humor.

Do not hesitate to ask for forgiveness if, having acted in his own way, you suddenly discover that your mother-in-law was.

Tactics. In that case, if there are domestic quarrel, it is important to try to delay the reaction to it was time to calm down and think things through, otherwise this can slander, which will later regret.

Tip 3. About privacy

Many in-law trying to manage their children's lives, and their wives, respectively. Many of them also climbing and personal life, and if they deny care, starting tears and complaints that they are not wanted, that they no longer love, and so on.

What should I do? You will be able to come to some kind of result, but if say the conflict that occurred. If you care for your mother-in gives you a lot of unpleasant moments, you should tell her that some of the decisions you will make only yourself. Necessary to avoid various charges and issued an ultimatum. Remember, never put my husband a choice: You or the mother in law.

Council. Analyze the behavior, the behavior of their parents, we often unconsciously copying their behavior. Learn to comprehend the situation, analyze it and draw appropriate conclusions.

Tactics. The most difficult part in such conflicts - is to translate the conversation into a safe constructive direction. Try to rephrase it reproaches the specific question and get information, not baseless accusations sea - was easier. Use the following formulation of the question: "Do I understand that is important for you ...".

Tip 4. Children: a good grandma and mother-monster

Some of the most common conflicts occur just on this topic. You do not like the constant criticisms, advice, and my grandmother said the baby all your whims, you started a one purpose only - to remove her from the baby. Here begins a duel between her mother and grandmother, which must be present and insults, and recriminations.

What should I do? First and foremost, you must understand their feelings, and understand exactly what bothers you the most: Grandma's upbringing, which, in your opinion, wrong, or what she is trying to push you into the background. To avoid misunderstanding, try to explicitly restrict the duties of volunteer nurses. For example, suppose in-law walks in the afternoon with the baby and reads him a book in the evenings. Do not hesitate to express their wishes as clearly as possible - this will give you to understand that the situation is completely under your control. However, sometimes you listen to the mother-in is important - after all the experience she has incomparably more to your.

Council. Try calmly to some differences of opinion. If in your absence grandmother said that something was wrong, or do, just ask her not to do so in the future. Will be just perfect if you can back up their opinions by official sources, books or articles from the Internet. If the mother in law is not particularly trust the books or the Internet, try to connect other relatives - perhaps together you still be able to convince my grandmother that chocolate is bad for the kid.

Remember, never under any circumstances if the kid did not say bad things about my grandmother.

Tactics. Please be patient - any suggestions, most likely. have to repeat several times. If you fly off the handle - consider lost. If a deadlock situation is urgently looking for a nanny or move out to a separate living space.

Tip 5. Full Ignore?

 Statistics show that over 20% of women consider their mother in law is absolutely a stranger. If you agree with this view, be prepared for trouble. Firstly, your husband, even if it is still silent, very unhappy with this position ignore in-law, because the unspoken claim could end in tears - the person just explodes. " And sometime in the heat of an argument, you can hear from your husband what he thinks about it. And secondly, you too can soon become a mother-in-in-law, and then you should consider that the child did not grow up in constant conflict with the bride's mother-in-law mother-in with, otherwise it will bring the script to life.

Tip 6. Make mental gifts

Sometimes the relationship with the person can establish not only the actions or words, but even the power of thought. If people are constantly asking for a conflict with you, just think about what this man is not enough - kindness, caring, loving, self-esteem? Because that's what he strives for you to pick up in the heat of the quarrel. When you understand that it takes away from your mother in law - make it a mental gift, ask God to give her what she is missing.

Tip 7. Only your cooperation!

If you are able to choose the correct style of behavior in a particular conflict situation, you win both. Psychologists say that there are four basic styles of behavior for conflict. And on what style you choose for yourself, depends if you can-in-law to establish normal relations. The first style - rivalry. None of you wants to give his opponent, the result is usually abysmal. The second style - avoidance, and would not be good, the problem should be solved, rather than run from them, because in the end, they still will overtake you. The third way - a device. This style is dangerous because you are sacrificing for the sake of the world's own interests. And last, the most appropriate style - cooperation, an attempt to find a compromise option that will suit you both.

Tip 8. If agreement could not

If, despite all your efforts in-law continues to presume that you have your first enemy, it is necessary to protect from this conflict, especially his family. Show her husband that negativity does not come from you, but from his mother, but in any case, do not try to limit it to communicate with his mom. If after a time, in-law decides to make a truce, we should not deny it, your generosity will be appreciated as a very in-law and your husband.

Tip 9. The shift of perspective

If you have seriously decided to stop the clashes in-law, take advantage of these operating tips. You will not be disappointed.

Thus, the psycho, which is based on tactics chief. However, mother in law we are not the enemy, and the words "win" and "explore", we replace, respectively, to "love" and "understand."

 Left home alone, make yourself comfortable in a chair, relax, and imagine that you - in-law. It's easy, most importantly, eliminate irritation. Say several times a phrase "Every man in his own right. And Marina V. too. Just her own truth. And I need to understand it. "After that, draw a few scenes with your participation, but not from the past, as it were, from the future. Evaluate the situation with the words, ask her the usual questions ozvuchte her opinion. If you got, you've got used to the good image, and the mother in law you are no longer a mystery, and the logic of it now you will be able to understand. And the understanding, in turn, lead to forgiveness and balance in your relationship. And you get a stunning diplomatic experience, besides your husband will appreciate your obstinacy in achieving a truce with his mom. After all, it is extremely important, when two of his favorite women live together in peace and harmony.