Education - one of the parties communicating. The basis of communication with your child - it's trust and recognition. However, it is not as easy as it may seem at first glance. Can we communicate with our children? Do we hear what they say to us about our children? Can we listen? Practice shows that our kids absolutely do not want to share with us their own internal problems. They firmly believe that talking with parents is dangerous and useless. In the best case, the parents simply will moralize on the topic, and at worst can follow sanctions for what the child behaved not like waiting parents. Parents do not know how to listen and to perceive information, and therefore excluded from the experiences of their child and may not be time to take the necessary steps, when you need it.

It is possible that we see our children so what we want to see, and not for what they really, and hence expect them of what they are, in principle, can not. We can not accept their child, not able to show him my love and what we actually feel. We do not understand their children. So what, say, someone whose children have grown up, we do not understand them? We also did not understand, and nothing. All alive. Alive is alive, but tell me honestly, how many of you can talk with their parents on any topic? Many of you know your mom and dad? Not whether you suffer from this? More than sure the answer is - yes. We suffer when our parents may not realize our ambitions and aspirations, we suffer when they do not understand our fears, we hurt when our parents neglected us. So why are we doomed to the same suffering and our children? Each of us wants a happy life of her child. So let's help him to become a truly happy and harmonious person.

And live in harmony with themselves and their loved ones - a sure sign of inner peace. We were raised in the belief that if you give a child will be the way it is, from him no good will come. Child must be all the time "to pull up almost behind her ears, and all the time to demand, demand ... it was then, perhaps because of it and come out a decent man. We were taught to criticize your child to hear criticism, began to grow on the road to reform and become a man as you wish. Bringing up children, according to this method should represent a set of value judgments, morals, criticism, commands and admonitions, which will give your child understand that it is in itself it must change to please others.

Children tend to justify our expectations. Therefore, if every time he saw jeans, not folded in the closet, to repeat her daughter that she was a slut, after a while it it will become. This is as true as the fact that she no longer trust you, disengage, her inner life will become available to you - because you are insulting her, and therefore not considered to be with her feelings. So why bring you more happiness and to know how to hurt her? The whole situation would have sounded in another way, if you would just say to her: "Honey, in the room a mess, maybe you could clear things up in the closet? Want me to help you with the cleaning? "- And a daughter with a light heart would have been wretched jeans, and you would help her, and then you went together to the kitchen to drink tea with fresh scones, which she bought on the way home from school.

When we stop blaming children, accept them with all their advantages and disadvantages, they open up to meet us, share with us their emotions, feelings, let us into their world. We accept them - it means we love them, think like children. And they're right. The desire to make your child such as us to want is not out of love, and the clean, first-class selfishness - I so want to, and so shall it be. Child to believe in our good intentions, we must show him that we really accept it, this is the art of communicating with your child .

We can give your child understand that endorse it, just not interfering in its activities. For example, a child builds a tower of blocks. That mom should come up and tearing bricks from his hands, to make the tower did not fall? Worthless. She is doing. What kid thinks? Once mom builds itself, and does not give me, then I'm bad system. I will no longer do so. What made my mother? Result, the opposite. She wanted only to show what can be done better and more correct, and has ensured that the child felt that she did not approve. When a child is busy, parents in the child is not the place.

Learn to listen to your child

You can show your child that you understand it, just listening to him. Listen to the child is necessary, but more needs to hear what he tells you, as well as the right to decrypt the signals it sends. However, most of us firmly believe that communicating with your child can not long be silent. With a child should talk . Absolutely. Conversation as a form of communication is necessary, but we can say differently. You can talk so that the child decides that you do not just do not understand, but do not approve of. And this is unacceptable. The way you talk with your child, no less important than the subject of conversation. Parents have an interesting feature - talking to the child, in the end they reduce the conversation to the assessment of children's personality.

Most often, their speech ends with the words "you should ...", "you should ...", "thou shalt not ...", the parents handed out instructions, do not speak about his attitude to the problem, but about the child. From conversations with my parents for a child builds a model of your perception of him as a person. To "talk" of the child, an excellent method may become an "invitation". Its essence is that you during the conversation did not give answers that might reveal your attitude towards the problem. Thus, you would like to invite the child to speak on their situation to the end, without fear that his opinions did not coincide with yours. The most elementary of them sound like this: "I see", "how interesting!", "What do you mean?" - They clearly convey the interest of the interlocutor in the subject, and yet do not carry any specific information.

Conversely, when you start asking questions, has embarked on the tedious arguments, give advice, your child may withdraw, cease to maintain a conversation. He gives the impression that you again, though, as always, take the initiative. Invitation to the conversation took place. You started a conversation and your child, do not hesitate to express their views. How do you make so that the conversation took place in this vein and further? In psychology, there is the term "active listening". What is it? In conversation there is always two sides. Let's call them "posylschik" and "recipient". Both parties are actively involved in the conversation by sending messages and taking the other side. The most important thing in the AC (active listening) - correctly decode the signals, which sends you to the other side.

Teach your child not to hoard a concern about their problems and express them. So they lose half of its insolubility, and become what they really are - just another life challenge. In addition, when your child sees that you have carefully and listen attentively to him, he was more willing and able to sympathetically listen to you when you will have something to say. Do not solve problems for the child and help him find out on their own, not to impose a board and try to enable the child to yourself to see the answer to a question, give him responsibility for his words and deeds, to cultivate self-control and desire for independence - all this becomes possible when we learn to listen and, more importantly, to hear their child.