Teach your child to love yourself
A man needs: to be loved, understood, recognized, respected, to whom he was then needed, and close, that he was a great success - in business, school, at work, so that he could realize themselves, develop their abilities, self-improvement, self-respect . If there is no economic crisis or, more war, the average organic needs more or less satisfied. But the requirements just listed, are always at risk!
Human society, despite the millennia of its cultural development, has not learned to ensure the psychological well-being (not to mention happy!) To each of its members. Yes, and it's a super challenge. After all, a happy man depends on the psychological climate of the environment in which it grows, lives and works. And yet - from the emotional baggage accumulated in childhood. And these climate and luggage depend on the style of communication, and above all - parents with a child.
Unfortunately, the compulsory school communicate with us yet. They are just starting up, and then - on a voluntary basis. Thus, any demand from our list may be unsatisfied, and this, as we have said, will lead to suffering, and perhaps to the "destructive" emotions. Take some sort of example. Suppose a person does not carry large: one failure follows another. So it's not satisfied his need for success, recognition, perhaps, self-esteem. As a result, he may receive a persistent disappointment in their abilities, or depression, or resentment and anger at the "culprits".
And this is the case with any negative experience: for them we will always find what some unfulfilled need. It happens at the meeting, we ask each other: "Well, how are you?", "How's life in general?", "Are you happy?" - And get the answer: "You know, I - unlucky," or: "I'm good I - okay! "These responses reflect a special kind of human experience - to himself, the conclusion about yourself.
It is clear that such attitudes and opinions may change with life circumstances. At the same time they have a "common denominator" that makes each of us rather an optimist or a pessimist, more or less believes in himself, and therefore more or less resistant to the blows of fate. Psychologists have devoted a lot of research these experiences themselves. They call them differently: the perception of self, self-image, self assessment, and more often - self-esteem. Perhaps the most successful word invented B. Satir. She called it a complicated and difficult to transmit feelings a sense of self-worth.
Scientists have discovered and proved several important facts. First, they discovered that self-esteem (we use this more familiar word) strongly affects the life and even man's destiny. Thus, children with low self-esteem, but quite capable, less from education, ill get along with peers and teachers, are less successful later in life. Teach your child to love yourself!
Another important fact: the basis of self-esteem is laid very early in the first years of life, and it depends on how it is treated parents. If they understand and accept it, tolerate it "lacks" and misses, he will grow up with a positive attitude toward myself. If the child is constantly "raise" to criticize and drill, self-esteem it is low, flawed.
Common law here is simple: As kids we learned about themselves only of words and attitudes towards us close. In this sense, the little child has no inner vision. His self-image is built from the outside, sooner or later he begins to see himself as others see it. However, in this process the child does not remain passive. It operates another law of all living things: actively work to ensure, on which depend for their survival.
Show your child how much you love him
Positive attitude toward themselves - the basis of psychological survival, and the child is constantly looking for and even fight for him. He expects us to evidence that he - well, that he loves what he mozhetspravlyatsya a feasible (and even a bit more complicated) cases. We write all this as the basic aspirations of the child and every human being in general. Let's see how these efforts are found in the everyday lives of children.
Here are a parent throwing a temper to his son: "You bad boy!" At the toddler, stomping his foot, retorts: "No, I'm ho Lo sy!" Three year old girl, seeing an angry face grandmother, demands: "Say: bunny!". " Bunny "on the home language means" gentle: "You, my good, and the girl is absolutely necessary to receive a confirmation of love at critical moments.
Whatever the child does, he needs our recognition of its success. Everyone knows the baby eyes and his whole appearance (when not yet able to speak), and then the right words always asks: "Look what I got!", "Look what I can do!". And from 2 years of age he already appears the famous: "I am myself!"-the requirement to admit that he can!
Each call to the child - in a word, deed, intonation, gesture, frowning brows, and even silence, we tell him not only about himself, his state, but always about him, but often - mostly about him. From recurring characters greeting, approval, love and acceptance in the child develops a sense of: "I'm all right," "I-nice", and from the signals of condemnation, disapproval, criticism - a sense of "to me that something is wrong," "I - bad. "
"Go away, you are bad!"
How is life in school children, who are already in the first classes were rated "good" or "bad" was the subject of an investigation. Psychologist regularly attended classes in 1-2 grades usual Moscow school. He sat silently in the back row, explaining to the teacher that oversees children's behavior. In fact, he wanted to know how many times and as a teacher refers to "Excellent" and "Losers" (for this purpose in each class was allocated for 3-4 students in each group).
The figures were striking. Each "Excellent" received a daily average of 23 complimentary comments such as: "Good", "Take his example," I know you all have learned, "" Excellent as always "... and only 1-2 negative comments. The "Losers" everything was the opposite: the criticisms on the average was 25 per day ("You again!", "When did you last!", "Worthless", "Just do not know what to do with you!" ) and only 0-1 positive or neutral manner.
This attitude is passed on to children classmates. Usually, the guys at recess surrounded by a psychologist, talked with him willingly. They are touchingly expressed their position, trying to come as close as possible to touch, hold his hand, sometimes even sharing with each other, his fingers. When this dense ring of children approaching "Losers", the guys chased him: Imagine yourself in the place of the child. To 25 times a day, you only hear the criticism from reputable and respected people, and so, day after day, month after month, year after year! And in between you push your same peers or colleagues. What you will? How can you survive?
How to "survive" the children, it became clear when the study was continued in the colony for juvenile delinquents. It turned out that of all adolescents, placed into a colony, 98% were not taken their peers and teachers, beginning with first grade!
If dissatisfaction or suffering child repeated on the same occasion, if he constantly whines and asks to play, read, or, conversely, has consistently failed to listen, quarrelsome, rude ... it is very likely that the cause - in denial of what it is. He may not have enough of your attention or, conversely, feelings of freedom and independence, he may suffer from a running school or failure in school.
You really help him, if you spend more time with him, often to pay attention to his classes or, conversely, will cease to control it at every turn. He wants to move a lot - well-organized open space, wants to explore the pools - you can create high boots, wants to paint the big picture - will not prevent an extra piece of cheap wallpaper. Let me remind you that the row with the flow much easier than against it. Understand the needs of the child, take them and respond to them by their actions - it means actively listening to the child in the broadest sense.
