Faced with the variables associated with parents' divorce, children need to know what it can expect during the long period of confusion, what to expect from his mother and father. That is why a single parent must set clear limits permissible conduct and mode, which will serve the child support and provide a sense of security. Well-established parent, who left the family, regular communication is a child only benefit. When the family is changing, the child wants to know what to expect.

Single parent is useful to understand the end accomplished in his life changes associated with the new situation and the former spouse. This implies the need to accept the changes, which, sadly, he can not influence. Maintain a unrealistic expectations in the current circumstances is very harmful. This can lead to stress, but in life and already have enough problems. More trauma completely undesirable. A single parent must help their children understand the real facts and not hope for the impossible. This is easily done by inviting children to answer three simple questions:

1.How do you think, how we live now, after the divorce?

2.Na that you're now hoping for?

3.How do you think about what we need now to agree? What would you like?

Asking such questions can clarify expectations and to dispel those that clearly are unrealistic and can not be justified. Children is sometimes difficult to express my feelings in words. Encourage them to talk. Try to calmly talk with each child about what he thinks about your divorce. Talk with your child about divorce is necessary. You can gradually discuss many issues. For example:

1.Chego he fears more than anything else?

2.What did mom wrong?

3.Chto dad did wrong?

4.Schitaet the child that he did something wrong?

5.Est someone with whom he would like to talk?

6.Mozhet Does he plan a time to meet with his father, relatives, friends?

7.Kak he would prefer to spend vacations, holidays?

8.Mozhete you be a better mom?

9.Est whether the same opportunity my father?

10.Chto child like most about your life together? And not to like?

11.Za the time that you live alone, what good has happened? A bad thing?

12.Plachet whether the child when he was alone?

13.Chego, in his view, are waiting on his parents? Why worry?

You may have other questions, but ask them gradually, the way it will not seem to report the child in front of you. However, you should know and remember a few simple rules to help more quickly to cope with difficult situations associated with divorce.

1.Nikogda not solve marital conflicts at the expense of the child.

2.Do not lie to a child and always explains what happens in the family.

3.Nuzhno to talk about divorce? Sure: the constant omissions may lead to fear and other unwanted effects, especially since the child will sooner or later it will be reported.

4.C what age a child can say about divorce? Since about three years. Preschooler enough to say that Dad live with you will not, but you'll occasionally go to my grandmother and father - to come to you. Teenager can say more, but we should not go into details ("out of love", "change", "turned out to be a scoundrel"). The older and older the child, the more he can say. If he really is small, then postpone the conversation until the moment when the child has any questions about my father.

5.Kogda put the child in popularity? Only when an event has already happened, or at least accepted the unconditional decision, and not precede the divorce talk about it with children.

6.B say what form? Any complex conversation worth venturing only if you are able to discuss everything calmly.

7.O what to say, and what - remain silent? Everything depends on the child's age. In any case, you need clear and accessible to explain to him the situation and if possible to draw a positive future. On adultery is better not to say it does not talk about other cases where the actions of your husband humiliated dignity. It is possible that the question "Why?" Does not follow at all, as children tend to accept the circumstances as they are.

8.Skolko time to talk about? Usually only one call, but it must be serious and comprehensive.

Do not refuse to answer questions from the child if they had any.

9.Postaraytes control themselves and refrain from common mistakes divorcing parents. To do this, remember the three "impossible":

• Do not blame the spouse for child;

• you can not blame what's happening in other relatives;

• you can not blame the child that had happened.

10.Popytaytes help your child gain emotional balance in a broken family. Assure that his father loves him. Tell them that it happens with so many people, and because there is nothing to worry about.

11.Rebenka can save you from unnecessary worry, when the separation of families going for it as completely as it is for parents. Visits his father, especially if they eventually become less and less each time and again cause the baby a feeling that it was rejected. The smaller the baby at the time of separation or divorce, the easier it is to his father to part with him. Although it is not easy and is not prescribed by law, should have a similar circumstance in mind. Kid absolutely must prepare for what he has to live only with her mother.

12.Postaraytes not change their place of residence more often than necessary. The child is now more than ever, needs to maintain old friendships.

13.Ne take your child from the former school immediately after separation or divorce. He feels so abandoned by one parent, and you will only strengthen this impression.

14.Pomogayte child to grow up and become independent, so he has not developed an excessive and unhealthy dependence on you.

15.Postaraytes possibly easier to resolve potential disagreements with your parents about child rearing. Maybe they'll offer you my help, and you have to take it more often than one would like. Every conflict with them will harm your child will be born in his uncertainty and take you out of yourself.

16.Esli child was not little, make him more opportunities to meet with peers and with some other men. Schools, sports camps, all sorts of lectures will allow him to communicate with men, which to some extent can compensate for a deficiency of his father's upbringing.

17.Ne try to be both mother and father for her child. You will not succeed. You'll be just a mother, to make the child more dependent on you and create confusion in his presentation that has to do in life man, and that - woman.

18.Esli you want to have a sense of joy in no way clouded never compare with the child's stepfather and father.

19.Nikogda do not punish children by isolating them from other family members are not denied opportunities to be with you.

And perhaps the most important rule should remember about the man and woman cease to be spouses, is the following. Suppose you could not build a common home, but you have lost only part of the old bonds. You have ceased to be lovers, but by no means ceased to be the parents of their children, friends, have not ceased to be decent people. Try to keep a good things to each other for the sake of the child, and then you yourself will be much easier to cooperate in solving the problems of education of your child in common. Remember, you have divorced parents, a child is anyone of you is divorced, you are both dear to him, and he will be pleased to know that, even after parting, you will not have ceased to love him, cherish them and take care of it, while maintaining a respectful relation to each other. Kindness and patience can do everything, or almost all. One has only to believe it.