Seven rules of a happy family life
How to dig a grave for your marriage to be the fastest way possible
Seventy-five years ago, the French Emperor Napoleon III, nephew of Napoleon Bonaparte, fell in love with Maria Eugenia de Montijo Ignacio Augustine, Countess Tebskuyu, the most beautiful woman in the world, and married her. His advisers pointed out that it is the only daughter of a minor Spanish count. But Napoleon replied: "Well, what of it." Her grace of her youth, her charm, her beauty filled his <divine happiness. In a speech from the throne, he requested the call to the nation: "I prefer a woman whom I love and respect, a woman not known to me."
Napoleon and his young wife were health, wealth, power, fame, beauty, love, worship - everything you need for complete happiness in love. Never the sacred fire of marriage is not burned with great warmth.
But, alas, the sacred flame was soon pounding, fever gone cold - and turned into ashes. Napoleon could have done the Empress Eugenia, but none in all of the beautiful France - not the power of his love, nor the power of his throne - could not keep her from the endless attacks on him.
Tormented by jealousy, suspicion, eats, she sneered at his orders, refused him even the visibility of privacy. She broke into his office when he was engaged in state affairs. She interrupted his important meeting. She refused to leave him alone, always fearing that he will meet with another woman.
Often, she resorted to her sister, complaining about her husband, lamenting, weeping, reproaching him, and threatening. Bursting into his office, she defied and insulted him. Napoleon, the owner of dozens of luxurious palaces, Emperor of France, could not find a corner where he could be alone with him.
And what did Eugene has made all this?
Here's the answer. I quote from a fascinating book by E. Reinhard, "Napoleon and Eugene. Tragicomedy of the Empire."
And so often the case that in the evening Napoleon in a soft hat pulled down over his eyes furtively left the palace through a small side door and accompanied by one of his followers actually went to some lovely ladies waiting for him or just wandering, like old times , in the city, passing on such streets, which meet the emperors, perhaps only in fairy tales, and breathing the atmosphere of unfulfilled desires.
That's what led attacks Eugene. True, she sat on the French throne. True, it was the most beautiful woman in the world. But neither kingdom, nor beauty can not keep the love alive among the poisonous fumes nagging and harassment. Eugene could have raised his voice, as the prophet Job, and moan: "What I most feared hit on me." Befallen her? She unleashed it upon themselves poor, their zeal and their chicanery.
Of all the infernal inventions ever devised by all the devils of hell to destroy the love, the attacks and accusations are the most deadly. They operate smoothly. As the king cobra bites, they always destroy always kill.
The wife of Count Leo Tolstoy knew this when it was too late. Before his death, she confessed to her daughters: "I'm to blame for the death of your father." Daughter did not answer. Both of them were crying. They knew that she killed him with his constant complaints and criticism of the eternal and perpetual attacks.
But by all accounts Count Tolstoy and his wife were supposed to be happy. He was one of the most famous writers of all time. Two of his masterpieces - "War and Peace" and "Anna Karenina" will always shine brightly among the literary treasures of the world.
In addition to the glory of Tolstoy and his wife were wealth, high social status, and children. No marriage blossomed under such cloudless skies. At first, things seemed too perfect, too great to last. Together they knelt and prayed to Almighty God that their happiness did not end there.
Then came an amazing thing. Tolstoy gradually changed. He became a different person. He felt ashamed of written books, and since then he has devoted his life to writing articles, which called for peace to end the wars and the destruction of poverty.
This man, once confessed that in his youth he committed any sin imaginable - even murder - was the attempt to literally follow the teachings of Jesus. He gave away all their land and lived like a pauper, he worked in the field, plowed and mowed. He repaired his shoes, swept the room, ate from wooden bowls and tried to love their enemies.
Life of Leo Tolstoy's turned into a tragedy, and the cause of this tragedy was his marriage. His wife loved luxury which he despised. She yearned for fame and applause, but for him it was meaningless nonsense. She wanted money and jewels, and he believed that wealth and private property - a sin.
For many years, she cried, scolded him, tormented him for what he wanted to give up their free ritorskih rights. She demanded money, which he could get for your books.
Their lives have been the scene seems to me one of the most pathetic in history. Like I said at the beginning of their married life they were unspeakably happy, but now, forty-eight years later, he * could hardly bear it. Sometimes at night it is old, heartbroken wife, hungry for love, come, kneel before him and asked him to read aloud to those wonderful words of love, which he wrote about it in his diary and fifty years ago. And when he read about those wonderful forever gone happy days, they both cried. How different, how drastically different life the reality of the romantic dream, long years.
In the end, at the age of eighty-two, Tolstoy was not able to endure the tragic misfortunes of his family life and into the snowy October night in 1910 ran away from his wife in cold and darkness, not knowing where it goes.
Eleven days later he died at a small railway station. Before his death, he insisted that it did not allow for it. That was the price paid by the Countess Tolstoy for his attacks, complaints and tantrums.
The reader can tell that she had ample reason to accusations and complaints. Acceptable. But not in this case. The question is: Did her attacks and complaints, or vice versa, is infinitely worsened the matter?
I think I was abnormal. Here's what she said when it was too late.
Tragic life of Abraham Lincoln also had his marriage. Note, not kill him, and his marriage. When Booth shot, Lincoln did not feel that he was killed. For over twenty-three years, he has almost daily to reap the fruits of what Gerndon his fellow lawyer, described as "the fruit of a failed marriage gorchayshie. Unhappy marriage? This is - to put it mildly. Because almost a quarter century, Mrs. Lincoln plagued and poisoned his life.
She's always complaining, always criticizing her husband, all he had not. He stooped and walked awkwardly, raised and put his feet like an Indian. She complained that its steps were not flexible, that the movements
there was no grace; mimicked his gait, demanded that he walked, leaving his toes as she was taught in a boarding house of Madame Mentell in Lexington.
She did not like sticking his big ears, "She even chided him that he does not have a straight nose, vypyachena lower lip is too large hands and feet, too small head.
Abraham Lincoln and Mary Todd Lincoln were opposites in everything: in education, by birth, by nature, to taste, a mental outlook "They're constantly irritated by each other.
A loud, shrill voice of Mrs. Lincoln - wrote the late Senator Albert J. Beveridge, the most authoritative biographer of Lincoln, - was heard across the street, and its continued outbursts could be heard up to all its neighbors. Her anger is often expressed not only in words. Many told of cases where abuse was accompanied by her ugly actions that correspond to reality.
Illustration: shortly after their marriage Mr. and Mrs. Lincoln lived in Springfield Mrs. Jacob Earley - widow of a doctor forced to take rooms with full board.
Once, when Mr. and Mrs. Lincoln had breakfast, Lincoln instituted something wrath of his wife. What, no one now remembers, but an angry Mrs. Lincoln grabbed a cup of hot coffee and threw it at her husband. And he did it in front of other residents.
Without saying anything, Lincoln sat, humiliated and silent, Mrs. Earley came to him with a wet towel and wiped her face and clothes.
Jealousy of Mrs. Lincoln was so stupid, so fierce and incredible that even after seventy-five years with one reading of the public gets up its infamous scenes you choke with indignation. In the end it was crazy, and perhaps the most compassionate thing we can say about it, it's - what her character was probably struck by starting mental illness.
Changed whether Lincoln all these attacks, accusations, outbursts of rage? In one respect - yes. They certainly have changed his attitude toward her * They forced him to regret his unsuccessful marriage, and made as much as possible, to avoid its presence.
In the city of Springfield had eleven lawyers, and work in the city they lacked. Therefore, they usually rode into the towns on the field sessions i succeeded by Judge David Davis. Thus, the stumps were done all over the Springfield District Court "
Other lawyers have always managed on Saturday to return to Springfield and spend the weekend with their families. But Lincoln did not do it. He was afraid to go home, and three months in the spring, and then three months in the autumn he spent in the vicinity of the city and near to Springfield.
This went on year after year. The living conditions in rural hotels were often disgusting, but as it disgusting they were, he preferred to their own home and regular antics and explosions rage Mrs. Linkol's what results have Mrs. Lincoln, Empress Eugenie and the Countess Tolstoy their attacks and accusations. They do not include in his life, except for the tragedies. They have ruined what is most cherished.
Bessie Hamburger, who spent eleven years in New York's Family Court, and had considered thousands of divorce cases, said that the carping and swearing wives is one of the main reasons that men leave their families. Or, as the newspaper puts it, "the Boston-mail:" Many wives have dug the grave of your married life, it gradually by digging their nitpicking. "
Thus, Rule 1-e preserve his happy family life:
In no case, no carp!
Like and do not interfere with live
I could make a lot of stupid things in my life - said Disraeli - but I was never going to marry for love.
And he did not marry for love. He remained a bachelor until the thirty-five years. And then he made the offer a rich widow. Widow, who was his senior by fifteen years a widow, whose hair turned white pierced for fifty winters, and love? Oh, no. She knew that he did not like, she knew that he would marry for money! Therefore, set only one condition: asked him to wait a year to give her a chance to get acquainted with his character. And while the end of this period she married him. Looks pretty prosaic, mercantile rather, is not it? But paradoxically, the marriage of Disraeli is one of the great successes in all battered and splattered with mud matrimonalnyh annals.
Wealthy widow, elected to Disraeli, had neither youth nor beauty nor brilliance. Her speech was full of gross historical and literary errors, causing laughter. For example, she never knew, who lived before the Greeks or Romans. Her taste in clothes were strange, for furnishing the same, fantastic. But she was brilliant, positively brilliant in the most important thing for a marriage: the art of communicating with people.
She did not try to oppose his mind to the mind of Disraeli. When he returned home, bored and tired after a match of wits with the Duchess at the next reception, Mary Ann his frivolous chatter took off his tension.
House, to his ever-increasing delight, a place where he could pereobut your mind in slippers and enjoy the warmth of adoration Mary Ann. Hours carried them home with his aging wife, happy in his zhizni3 She was his assistant, confidante, sovetchitsey. Every evening, he hurried home from the House of Commons to tell her the news of the day, And - this is very important - no matter what he undertook, Mary Ann just did not believe that it may suffer a failure.
For thirty years, Mary Ann Disraeli lived for and only for him. Even his wealth is valued only because it was easier for his life. And she became his heroine. He received a count's coronet after her death, but even when he was a member of the House of Commons, he persuaded Queen Victoria to grant Mary Ann noble title. And in 1868 she became Viscountess Beaconsfield.
What would be silly and frivolous, it may sometimes look to the community, he never criticized it. He did not utter a word of reproach, and if anyone dared to make fun of her, he furiously rushed to her defense.
Mary Ann was not perfect, but for three ten-year she never tired of talking about her husband, praising him, admire im.Rezultat? "We lived together for thirty years - Disraeli said - and I'd never be bored with it." (Although some believed that "aphid she does not know history, then it must be stupid).
For its part, Disraeli never hid the fact that Mary Ann for him more than anything else. The result? "With his attitude towards me, - said Mary Ann your friends - my life was a continuous ribbon of happiness."
Sometimes, they joked among themselves:
You know - Disraeli said - how can I marry you just for your money. And Mary Ann, smiling, replied: "Yes, but if you again i had to do it, you would have married me for love, is it mi?".
And he admitted that it was.
No, Mary Ann was not perfect. But Disraeli was smart enough to give her a chance to be myself.
As Henry said Jane: "The first thing to learn when dealing with people - it does not bother them to live it your pleasure, as they are used to it, unless these habits do not come in too sharp contradiction with our."
Or, as noted by Leland Foster Wood in his book, Parenting in the family: "Success in marriage need much more than finding a suitable partner, you must also be the most suitable partner."
Therefore, if you want a happy family life, apply Rule 2-E:
Do not try to remake their partner.
Do this and you can disregard the train schedule for Reno
Disraeli's main rival in public life was the great Gladstone. There was not a controversial thing in the British Empire, about which they would not disperse in the views. But one thing they agree: both were extremely happy family life.
William and Catherine Gladstone lived together Fifty-nine years - almost six decades, surrounded by a halo of loyalty and devotion.
I like to imagine, as Gladstone, the most prominent of the British Prime Ministers, holding his wife in his arms, dancing with her around the fireplace rug, singing: "ragamuffin husband and wife We proplyashem draggle-tail and probezdelnichaem together for life." Gladstone, a dangerous opponent in Parliament, never let anyone condemned at home. When it came down to breakfast in the morning and discover that the other members of his family still asleep, he expressed his criticism is very soft. He slightly raised his voice and filled the house of a mysterious song, reminiscent of other family members, the busiest man in England alone, waiting for breakfast. Considerate, diplomatic, he never allowed himself to deal with criticism at home.
Similarly, so did Catherine the Great, Catherine the rules of the most extensive ever existing empires. Its authorities have been life and death for millions of citizens. In politics, it was often a cruel tyrant, unleashed a senseless war and sentenced to death dozens of his enemies. However, if the cook undercooked meat, she said nothing. She smiled and ate so meekly, that it might be the perfect role model for American husbands.
Dorothy Dix - the highest authority in America in matters of the reasons for an unhappy marriage - claims that these are 5 percent of all marriages. She claims that one of the reasons so many romantic dreams crash against the rocks Reno, a criticism - criticism of the barren, heartbreaking critique.
Therefore, if you want to maintain a happy family life, remember Rule 3rd:
Do not criticize!
You think, of course, if you will be tempted to criticize the children, I say: Do not. I will not say. We recall only the following: before criticizing the child, read a classic example of an American magazine of literature page W. Livingston Larida "Father forgets." This article was originally published in a leading article in the Journal for a home. " We are reprinting it here in abbreviated form.
Father forgets
Listen, son, tell it when you sleep, put your foot under his cheek. Blond curls plastered to your damp forehead. I sneaked into your room alone. A few minutes ago when I read in a library book, I was swept over a wave of searing regret. With a sense of guilt and I came to your bedside.
That's what I was thinking, son: I was angry at you in the morning, scolded you when you're going to school, because instead of wash, as expected, you only had a towel on his face. I gave you a rap on the knuckles for what you are not cleaning their shoes, angrily shouted at you when you drop something on the floor.
During the breakfast, too, did not leave you alone. You spilled tea greedily devoured the food, put his elbows on the table. You rubbed too much oil on the bread. When I left for work, you're running away to his toys, he turned "waved his hand and shouted:" Goodbye, Daddy. "I frowned at the answer:" Do not slouch! ".
Then, after dinner, it all started again. Approaching the house, I noticed that you play the ball on his knees. On your stockings were holes. I humiliated you in front of his friends, forced to walk in front of the house. "Stockings were expensive, and if you had had to buy them, it would have been more careful." To hear that from my father!
Do you remember later, when I read in the library, you timidly entered with apprehension in her eyes? When I looked over the newspaper, annoyed by the fact that prevented me to read, you hesitated at the door, "What do you want?" - I snapped.
You said nothing, but one leap rushed towards me, wrapped handles around my neck and kissed me, and your hands pressed together with tenderness, overflowing your heart with tenderness, which could not destroy even my callousness. And then you were gone, pattering up the stairs.
Well, son, soon after that my paper slipped from my hands, and a terrible sickening fear came over me. What's done to me, my bad habit. The habit is always to blame, constantly making observations. All this is getting any of you from me just because you - the boy. And not because I do not love you, but because they expected too much from the child and pacing in his own yard - a yard of his age.
In your same character so much good, fine, dimensional. The little heart was as big as the dawn of the wide hills. This was evident in the rush with which you ran to me and kissed her before bedtime.
Nothing else matters tonight, son: I came to your bedside in the darkness, and ashamed, stood in front of you on your knees.
This is a very weak expiation of guilt, know that you would not understand all this, if I told it to you when you awake. But tomorrow I will be a father! I will be friends with you, I will suffer when you suffer, and laugh when you laugh. I prikushu its language, if it be irritation of the word. I will always be repeated, as if it were a ritual: "He's just a boy, little boy."
I'm afraid that mentally saw you adult. But now when I see you here, tired and curled up in her crib, I see that you're still a child. Yesterday, another mother bore you in my arms and your head resting on her shoulder. I demanded too much, too much.
"Most men, intending to marry - said Paul Poupnou, director of the Los Angeles Institute of family relations - did not seek co-worker, and an attractive woman, willing to flattering their vanity and gives the opportunity to feel superior. It may be that women employed in a managerial position , somehow invited to lunch. But if it starts to spread around the table desiccated remains of his university course on basic currents of modern philosophy, and in addition will even insist that the most pay the bill, the result is the same: then it will be lunch already alone.
On the contrary, a typist without higher education, an invitation to lunch, watching the fiery glance of his companion and asks imploringly: "Tell me more about myself." Result: he tells his friends: "It's not a dazzling beauty, but I've never met a better companion."
It is necessary that the man did not forget to properly assess the efforts of women to look good and dress well. Men are always forgotten, unless they all knew about it, how deeply women are interested in clothing. For example, if a man and a woman down the street another couple, a woman rarely looks first at the Met a man, she usually looks, how well dressed the other woman.
My grandmother died several years ago at the age of ninety-eight years. Shortly before her death, we showed her the photograph, in which it was removed thirty years ago. Her feeble eyes could not a good look at the card, but the only question she asked was: "What kind of dress was on me?".
Think about it! The old woman at the end of life, bedridden, weary his age, approaching the centennial mark, with memory, extinct so that it is not able to find their own daughters, still interested, so what dress it was wearing on her thirty years ago! I was present at her bedside when she asked this question. He made a big impression on me.
Men who read these lines, can not remember what suits or shirts they wore five years ago, and have no desire to remember it. But women are different from us, and we have to admit it. French youths of the upper classes are taught to express his admiration for a woman's dress or a hat, not once but many times a night. Can not be the same millions of Frenchmen be wrong!
Among kept me newspaper clippings, there is one story. I know that it really never was, but it illustrates the truth, so bring it here.
According to this silly stories a farmer at the end of hard day's work put on the table in front of their men a pile of hay. And when they indignantly asked whether she went crazy, she replied: "How do I know that you notice?" For twenty years, I feed you, and all this time have not heard from you a word about what you eat is not hay !
In Moscow and St. Petersburg aristocratic manners were better: the custom of the upper classes of tsarist Russia, after a good dinner in the dining room was invited to cook and congratulated him.
Why not treat with the same attention to his wife? Next time, when the chicken is well roasted, tell her. Let her know that you appreciate it that you do not eat hay. Or, as Teksese Guinea, stretch a little girl a big hand "
And if you really were talking about it, do not be afraid to show his wife how she means a lot to your happiness. Disraeli was one of the great English statesman, yet he was not ashamed, as we have seen, to show everyone how indebted he was "the little woman."
Just the other day, reading a magazine, I came across an interview with Eddie Cantor.
I am indebted to my wife - said Eddie Cantor - more than anyone else. She was my best friend, as a boy, she helped me move forward. After we got married, she hoarding every dollar invested in his business, once invested. It gradually established my status. We have five wonderful children. I've always been a wonderful home. And if I do something accomplished, is its merit.
In Hollywood, where the marriage of risk which will not even Lloyd's of London *, one of the exceptional marriage was a marriage of Warner Baxter. His wife, the former Winifred Bryson, marrying, gave up a brilliant career. But her happiness was never overshadowed by this victim. "She lost her applause from the audience - said Warner Baxter - but I cared about that she had always heard my own. For a woman to find happiness in her husband, it is necessary that he showed her his gratitude and devotion. If the appreciation and devotion to this, he also finds his happiness. "
So, if you want to maintain a happy family life, one of the most important rules is Rule 4-E:
Be genuinely grateful
They mean so much to women
Since ancient times, flowers were regarded as the language of love. They are not expensive, especially in the season, they often are sold on every corner. However, if you look at how infrequently most of the men brought home a bouquet of daffodils, you would think that they are at least as expensive as an orchid, or that they just as hard to get, as edelweiss, blooming on snow-covered alpine cliffs.
Why wait until your wife keepeth the hospital to give her some flowers? Why she did not bring a few roses tomorrow night? You like experiments? Try it. See what happens.
No matter how busy on Broadway, George M. Cohen, and every day he phoned his mother twice a day until her death. Do you think that every time he had for her great news? No, this account is as follows: it shows the beloved woman, what do you think about it that you want to please her and that her happiness and prosperity are very expensive and very close to your heart.
Women attach great importance to birthdays and other anniversaries. Why - forever remain one of the women's secrets. An ordinary man can limped through life without having to remember many dates. But there are two dates that absolutely must always remember. This wife's birthday and the date of your wedding.
Judge Joseph Sabbath from Chicago, who considered 4,000 cases of divorce and to reconcile married couples in 2000, said: "At the core of most marital tragedies are little things of everyday life. Such a simple thing, like waving his hand at parting, when her husband leaves for work, would prevent a lot of very Divorce. "
Robert Browning, whose life with Elizabeth Browning was perhaps the most idyllic of all known, has always found time to keep the love of small gifts and signs of attention. He treated his sick wife with a courtesy that she once wrote to his sister: "In the end, I begin to think now, is not really a certain kind of angels in heaven."
Too many men underestimate the importance of these little everyday courtesies. As Gaynor Maddox wrote in the "Illustrated Review": "In the Life of the American home should have added a bit of new defects, which might indulge in a large number of women. Breakfast in bed for a woman to hook as much, as a private club for men."
In the end, the marriage - is a series of everyday scenes. And woe to the couple, did not pay it due attention. September Edna Vincent Millet summed it in two lines of the poem:
Not that darkens my days, that leaves the love And the fact that she was leaving for nothing.
A good idea to memorize these verses. In the city of Reno divorce court commits six days a week at a rate of one divorce every ten minutes. How many of these marriages, do you think was broken on the reefs of these tragedies? I guarantee that very little. If you sat there day after day, listening to the testimony of these unfortunate men and women, you would know that love went "over trifles."
Take my penknife and cut the following quote. Glue it to the lining of your hat or on a mirror, where you'll see it every day while shaving:
I will pass this way only once, and let so good that I can do what a human being, do it now. I can not either ignore this or postpone the execution, because they do not pass this way again.
So, if you want to maintain a happy family life, use the Rule 5-e:
Be a little attention.
Do not neglect it if you want to be happy
Walter Demrosh married to the daughter of James J. Bleyma, one of the greatest American orator, a former one presidential candidate. They met many years ago in the home of Andrew Carnegie in Scotland, and has since lived happily exclusively.
What's the secret?
Next in importance after the choice of partner - says Mrs. Demrosh - believed to civility after marriage. If only the young wife showed such courtesy to your own husbands, as to strangers! Any man will run away from the grumpy language.
Rudeness - cancer, devouring love. Everyone knows this, yet it is widely known that we will be much more polite to strangers than to their own relatives.
We had no idea comes to mind stop a stranger and say: "My God, you are again going to tell this old story!". Us and does not occur without the permission to open the letter, obtained by our friends, or to pry into their personal secrets. Only members of our own family, those of us closer and more expensive, we dare to offend for the slightest infraction.
Again a quote from Dorotti Dix: "It may seem surprising, but virtually the only people who say we are low, offensive language - are members of our own family."
Politeness - says Henry Clay Risner - this property is the heart not to notice that the gates were broken, and pay attention to the flowers in the yard behind the gate.
Politeness is as important for family life, such as oil for the motor.
Oliver Wendell Holmes was someone else but not a despot in his own home. On the contrary, he stretched out his attentiveness to the fact that when they took possession of depression or bad mood, he tried to hide it from other family members. He said that he feels bad enough to not relegate it to others.
So did Oliver Wendell Holmes. And as a mere mortal? Bad things are at work - has made an omission, was scolding from the boss, headache, missed the train - and he can hardly wait to return home to pick all the accumulated anger at his household.
In Holland, before entering a house, you leave your shoes at the door. Lord Harry said that we should take a lesson from the Dutch and in front of the house throws off your everyday worries.
William James once wrote an essay called "On a special kind of human blindness." You ought to read it. James wrote: "Under the blindness of human beings, referred to in this Article is the blindness that we all are endowed with respect for the feelings of other people and creatures."
Blindness, which we are all endowed with. Many people can not afford to dramatically say something to the buyer or business partner, do not hesitate to bark at their wives. But for their personal happiness, marriage is more important, more vital than a business.
An ordinary man whose marriage is successful, much happier than the genius who lives in solitude. The great Russian writer Turgenev, received worldwide recognition, he said: "I would give all his genius and all his books for that somewhere was a woman would be worried about the idea or not, I'll be late for dinner."
What, however, the chances of a happy marriage? Dorothy Dix believes, as we have said that more than half of marriages fail. Dr. Paul Popnou thinks otherwise. He says: "Men have a greater chance to succeed in marriage than in any other business undertaken. Of those that open trade in groceries, 70 percent fail. From the same people who marry, 70 percent succeed."
Dorothy Dix characterizes the situation as follows: "Compared to the marriage - she says - just an episode of our birth and our death - a trivial incident."
No woman can not understand why the man does not make much effort to save the home, as he made them to be successful in his business or profession.
While have a pretty wife and a peaceful happy home means to a man much more than make a million dollars, though hardly more than one hundred to think seriously about how to make their marriage successful, and makes this real effort. It provides the most important thing in your life to chance, and the gain or loss depends on blind luck. Women can not understand why their husbands do not pay attention to the fact that to be diplomatic with them - because their husbands are much more profitable to use a soft glove, than to apply the method of strong hands.
Every man knows that the kindness he could get from his wife anything, and it does not require replacement. He also knows that if you make a few cheap compliments about how good it is agriculture and it helps him, it will save every penny. Every man knows that if he tells his wife how good she looks in last year's dress, and how it's going to her, she will not give up his dress to the latest Parisian fashions. Every man knows that he can kiss his wife's blind eye to until it becomes blind as a bat.
Every woman knows that her husband knows all these things because she had armed his full knowledge of how to do it. But she never knew him to be angry or feel an aversion to him because he is more likely to fuss with it and pay for it buying new dresses, limousines and pearls, what takes the trouble to flatter her a little and treat it as as she wants, so she was treated. "
So, if you want to maintain a happy family life, use Rule 6-m: Be polite.
Do not be ignorant in their married life
The Secretary-General of the Bureau of Social Hygiene Dr. Catherine Biment Davis spent one day investigation questionnaire, convince a thousand married women candidly answer a series of intimate questions.
The result was amazing, just incredible picture of how unhappy sex lives of ordinary American adults. After reading the responses received from the thousands of married women, Dr Davis said without hesitation, that in her opinion, one of the main causes of divorce in the United States is a physical mismatch partners.
Report of Dr. D. Hamilton confirms this conclusion. Dr. Hamilton spent four years studying marriages hundred men and one hundred women. He asked individually to each of these men and women about four hundred questions about their marriage and so exhaustively studied the responses that the entire investigation took four years.
His work is so important sociologically found that it was financed by a group of leading philanthropists. You can read the results of this study in the book of Dr. D. Hamilton and Kenneth Makgovena "What destroys a marriage?".
So what destroys it? Dr. Hamilton says: "Only a very biased and inexperienced psychiatrist can dispute the fact that most of the frictions in the marriage have their source in sexual inadequacy. Anyway, the differences arising from other causes, in many cases would not pay attention if own sexual relations were satisfactory. "
Dr. Paul Popnou is one of the largest U.S. authorities in the field of family life. As head of the Los Angeles Institute of family relations, he sees thousands of marriages. He believes that the failure of marriage and usually occur in one of four reasons.
1. Sexual incompatibility
2. Disagreement over how to spend their leisure time.
3. Financial difficulties.
4. Mental, physical or emotional shortcomings.
Note that in the first place there is sex and that, oddly enough, money problems are only in third place.
All authorities on divorce agree that sexual compatibility is essential. That stated, for example, several years ago, Judge Hoffman - Judge of the Family Court in Cincinnati, who considered the thousands of divorce cases: "Nine out of ten divorces are caused by sexual difficulties."
Admittedly - said the famous psychologist John B. Watson, - sex - the most important thing in life. This thing, because that often breaks the happiness of men and women.
The same claim practitioners - I heard the speeches of many of them are for students to my courses. But in this case does not hurt if that, for all our books and with all our education in the twentieth century, marriages break up and maimed lives due to ignorance of the most natural and important instinct?
Reverend Oliver M. Butterfield, a former Methodist minister for eighteen years and left his pulpit to lead the "Organization of aid to families in New York, perevenchal probably more young people than anyone else. He says: "From the very beginning of my work as a priest, I found that for all his love and good intentions, many couples come to the marriage altar matrimonial illiterates."
Matrimonial illiterate!
And he continues: "If we take into account that we present to chance is so difficult a thing as a fixture in a marriage, it is little wonder that we have, there are still only 16 percent of divorces. Horrific number of husbands and wives are not valid spouses and just nerazvedeny, they live in hell. "
Happy marriage - says Dr. Butterfield - rarely are the results of the case, they architectural, in the sense that it is reasonable and deliberately planned.
To help with this plan, Dr. Butterfield for many years insisted that each pair of which he was crowned, frankly told him about his plans for the future. As a result of these conversations, he came to the conclusion that so many of the intending spouses' matrimonial illiterate. "
Sex - the doctor says Butterfield, - is only one satisfies the needs of married life, but if sex is wrong, nothing else will be okay. "
But how to ensure that they were okay?
Sentimental secrecy - continue to cite Dr. Butterfield - should be replaced with the ability to objectively and impartially consider all aspects and practices of married life. And there's no better way to get this ability than with a competent and written with a good taste of the book. I can think of several such books in addition to my own booklet Marriage and sexual harmony. "
Most suitable for the general public of all available books seem to me the following three: "Sexual technique in marriage", author Isabella I. Hyutton, "Sexual side of marriage", author Max Exner, "Sexy Factor in Marriage" by Ellen Wright. "
Learn sex from books? And why not? Several years ago, Columbia University, together with the American Social Hygiene Association, invited leading educators to discuss sexual problems and marriage problems of university students.
At this discussion, Dr. Paul Popnou said:
The number of divorces decreased. And one reason for this is that people began to read more good books on marriage and sexuality.
SUMMARY OF THE SEVEN RULES TO MAKE YOUR FAMILY HAPPY LIFE
Rule 1. In no case, no carp! Rule 2. Do not try to remake their partner.
Rule 3. Do not criticize. Rule 4. Be genuinely grateful. Rule 5. Be a little attention. Rule 6. Be polite.
Rule 7. Read a good book about the sexual side of marriage.
