How much the mother figure and determine the viability of the trajectory of a child (up or down), I found a prosperous and glorious Paris. Adopted in the Soviet practice of education silencing could lead to the fact that relationships with people in general will be intuitively perceived the child as something hostile, incomprehensible and objectionable. Not being able to communicate, not knowing what to expect from others, they avoid contact (I call this phenomenon "cultured autism"). One of our meetings with people from Russia (a mother and her son) was appointed in his favorite children, "McDonald's". The boy brought out paper and pencils, "so as not to be bored." Mama - charming and infantile creature, "eternal girl with sad eyes and haggard face. Three years ago, arrived in Paris after the French another, much older than her. Their united love of the theater and hope for a better future in the new marriage. However, it was decided not to hurry with the formalities.

Relationship, according to mom, deteriorated soon after arrival. He wanted a teenage girl as compensation for previous unsuccessful marriage and the joy in life. Manager by profession, he was guided by the emotional relaxation, artistic nature, he needed the adoration and admiration, "strong male", he demanded unquestioning pandering to his whims. She also wanted to learn from the director, to participate in theatrical productions and engage in health (and his son) - "all the French." In the new family child became an obstacle, causing irritation and get slap. Mom getting any, too: beating, vypihivanie the door insults.

While both "child" (and as they are called, innocent, naive and stupid?) Were entirely on the content of the French "father", and thus in his power. Our meeting took place on the eve of that long-delayed wedding. She is still considering whether to have an wedding, that is, whether to consolidate an already painful relationships depending on the psychopath? Boy, painting a big machine, said once: "If they get married, I can not stand. Yes, I will kill him when I grow up! "And then:" He always cries! "And finally:" I want to go to Russia, where my grandmother, aunts, uncles and cousins. There's a lot of people, but here there is no one ".

"But you also have friends?

-Only two.

-How much do you want?

One hundred and twenty-five!

The latter figure reflects the value of emotional hunger of this well-dressed, already fluent in French children. His figure was a visual confirmation of child arithmetic: near the beautiful and multi-colored limousine, on the edge of the sheet, place a large number of quite similar to each other ants, which were in different relationships to a hero of mine - sisters, uncles, aunts. Somewhere among them was the mother. Only a French father was not included in this wonderful collection.

Problems of children of immigrants is that they  are constantly in a state of emotional hunger, do not develop the mechanisms of empathy (empathy), and relationships with people schematizes and discolored. The closest people turn to small and simply constructed insects. Needed a psychologist or an event which would have radically changed the life of a child. Mum could not cope with the situation. After a long phone conversations, meetings, she still decided in their spirit - to marry, but to make an appointment to another two professionals - massage therapist (for the maintenance of tone) and shrink (to get rid of children's fears).

In addition, when a woman enters the space, much less intense in terms of production means, she does not know what to do with this fallen down on her freedom and release energy. She can spend it on something to cherish their complexes, as well as to spur the complexes of their partner. The fact that trying to make people unfree, being a freedom, because it restored a high degree of negative, but familiar to them, the tensions with the environment. How true the statement that the lion's share of problems is introduced spouses in a family of their childhood, so it is also true that unresolved in the previous marital problems emerge in the new marriage.

"Tower of Babel"

This is another, not the worst, a phenomenon that you can meet in exile and which indicates the same lack of discipline and pofigizm, in which flow emigrants, not coping with the situation of adaptation. "Babel," occurs when a family is no common language of communication. For example, a woman came from central Ukraine, where all the talk on "surzhik" - a mixture of Ukrainian and Russian. At the same language she speaks with the children from his first marriage. With her husband, a Frenchman, she communicates in English, which does not know the children. New Dad loves his "little angels" and a year later they were chattering with him in French, which no longer understands the mother. So even if you're a polyglot, you will be hard to understand elementary "Du yu kazhete Français?", Which will meet you in this wonderful family.

In our minds all the expats are mixed. A typical European citizen has long figured out this issue. He knows that they will now be always and everywhere. Angry at them is like getting angry at disaster. Easier and more efficient to learn a few words of greeting and phone numbers of organizations for those who got in difficult circumstances. Remember: Successful people feel fully in the worst case (and from them no one is safe), if he has someone to help. By helping others, we keep their psychological well-being. Teach your child to help the children of families who need help, then lay the foundations for the psychological well-being. Another important thing that's worth repeating. Teach your children to help others, we can be calm and for themselves in old age. A child with a sympathetic heart and firm principles would never abandon you in the lurch.

Sad resemblance of our children and children of emigrants

More recently, Soviet psychologists have described the problem of children of immigrants , not knowing that the majority of Russian families would be at home in a situation of conventional, internal exile. Symptoms psychologically abandoned children in Russia are similar to those I have observed and described by analyzing the experience of emigration. With the most favorable situation in the new place heavily immigrant children are experiencing a break with relatives who stayed at home. Even in a favorable situation of marriage, when a female refugee comes to re-marry, the experience of their children from a previous marriage are heavy.

All slipping away and for an adult painted in bright colors. Children as nostalgia even brighter. And if the relationship with the stepfather did not add up, the child is simply unreasonable burden. Initially, the fumes would like to return home with his mother, then, when it becomes clear that the "trip" is delayed, and being tied to his mother, he must spend here a few years, if not all my life, plans to enter a fantastic start to the child escapes, unrealistic situations result of which he and his mother finally freed from the heavy dependence. Needless to say about what happens fantasy? And finally, there comes a time when on the other side of the fence is and most native people in the world - my mother, who was unable to resist.

Why are most afraid of children? Children are most afraid that they will cease to love. Love is perceived as a power cloth, which may not be enough at all. Switching attention to the new members of the family may or perceived with jealousy and anxiety, or separated child if his childhood instilled a sense of what other family members in need of guardianship and attention. My observation and communication with children indicate that serious psychological consequences, which is fraught with inadequate parental behavior. Migration - this is the case when many of the violations or serious condition specified with the objective inevitability, "normal" in these conditions.