Parental demands and constraints should not engage in flagrant contradiction with the essential needs of the child. For example, parents are often plagued by "too much" activity of children: why they need so much to run, jump, romp, climb trees, throw stones, paint on anything, all miss, open, disassemble ..?

The answer is simple: all that and more - manifestations of the natural and very important for the development needs of children in movement, cognition, exercise. They are much more than we adults need to move, to explore subjects to test his strength. Prohibit such actions - like trying to block the deep river. Better make sure to send it over to the convenient and secure channel.

 Investigate the puddles you can, but only in high boots, too, can disassemble the clock, but only if they are old and do not go long, you can play ball, but not in the room and away from windows and even throwing stones at a target you can, if taken care of, that no one in this case was not injured. Of course, you will find examples of the yellow zone, but they may also belong to the green. To do this, place the child in a suitable environment and permit to operate freely.

For example, overseas, in some children's institutions is tiled room, especially for drawing on the walls. Each child can draw a marker or paint as he pleases. After classes, wash drawings of the hose, and the room is ready for the next group. Kids love these lessons, teachers too. Another example relates more to school age. Starting ten years from the eleven children is especially important to communicate with their peers. They gather in groups large or small, often spend their time outside the home are more with the opinions of children than adults. From parents of teens often hear: "That's really, really, no prophet is recognized in his own country." One father, a university lecturer, told his son: "I looked to you as students look me in the mouth, trying not to miss a single word, and you ..."

 Guys are often no longer obey their parents, and the consequences can be dangerous. To avoid complications, parents should be particularly careful in the ban "does not make friends", not "walk", "not to wear", "not to participate ..." You have to be sure that the child does not perceive them as a threat to his status in the group of guys. Terrible thing for him - to become the "black sheep" or the subject of ridicule, be missed or rejected children. And if on one side of the balance will be his position among his peers, but on the other - parental "no", it is likely to outweigh the first.

From our parents, needed at times extraordinary patience and tolerance, and even philosophical mood. This will help to teenage fashion, previously unknown words and expressions, it is difficult to portable music, fancy hairstyles and questionable decorations, too short skirts or too holey jeans. Teenage fashion similar to chickenpox - a lot of guys pick up and carry it in a more or less serious form, and a couple of years they themselves are smiling, looking back. But God forbid the parents at this time enter into a protracted conflict with their son or daughter. Agreed with his opinion he will not succeed, and contact, and may lose confidence completely.

 What is the share of parents, but patience and acceptance of inevitability "of chickenpox? In my opinion, very much, and most importantly - remain carriers and agents of the broader, enduring values: honesty, hard work, generosity, respect for the identity of another. Note that many of these values not only can you discuss with your child growing up, but realize the relationship with him, and it is - the most important gift that it is at heart seeks and hopes to get from you!

Restrictions, requirements, prohibitions

Parental demands and limitations, and prohibitions must be agreed between the adults. Are you familiar with when Mom says one thing and another dad, and his grandmother - the third? Here, in this case. Lena bought a fancy lacquered shoes the next morning she was going to kindergarten.

 LENA: I put on my new shoes.

MOTHER: No, darling, they are for holidays and guests.

LENA: No, I want, I want today! (Starts to whimper.)

Dad: Do not worry, that we'll figure something out. Appeals to mom: Maybe you can, just once?

MOTHER: No, I do not agree. The child must get used to protect expensive stuff!

LENA (crying harder): Then I will not go into the garden in general e!

(Part of my grandmother.)

Grandma: What happened again? Again, you upset the child in the morning? Come here, girl, tell me who hurt you. Oh, shoes? I'll buy you today about the other, will they go when you want. In this situation, the child can not learn the rules, get used to the discipline. He is accustomed to seek their own, "splitting" the ranks of adults. The relationship between adult family members this does not get better.

Even if one parent disagrees with the claims of others, better to remain silent at this moment, and then, without the child, to discuss the dispute and try to come to a consensus. No less important is consistency in the rules. If your child is two days in a row went at 10 pm instead of 9, then on the third day will be hard to put him in time, it is reasonable to argue that yesterday and the day before you tell him to "allow". It is worth remembering that children are constantly experiencing our demands "the strength" and usually take only what can not be loosening. Otherwise, learn to insist on whining, extort.

Tone, stating the requirement or prohibition, should be more friendly explanatory than imperious. Any ban desirable for a child is difficult, but if he utters an angry or an imperious tone, it becomes doubly difficult.

Can be very helpful, anticipating difficulty in meeting the requirements of the child, discuss it with him beforehand. If, for example, we know that an interesting movie ends too late, and the child always wants to see "at least the beginning, it is worth warning that need to be interrupted in the middle of the movie. At the same time you can invite him to choose other options, for example, to play before going to sleep in an interesting game or read a book. If he did choose the "hard" option, it is important to ensure that agreement has been executed and the child went to bed on time.

Well to help him, recalling the contract five minutes before the appointed time. In this case you will, rather, an assistant in the performance of a child voluntarily undertaken by the word than a bothersome "police." And he will get another little experience of conflict-discipline.