Is not it, to declare himself unhappy and voluntarily lock themselves in their own experiences, both in prison, the easiest, no need to overcome obstacles and fight for your happiness, you can relax and immerse oneself in their suffering, getting from this masochistic pleasure! And of course, no one would blame you in the head of inaction and lack of willpower - in fact you did so unhappy, so depressed! Everyone will feel sorry for you, to express their sympathy, to cheer and comfort, and this spotlight to some extent compensate you for what you lost (and because of what you feel miserable!). And you'll now and then to say: Oh, how unhappy I am! " I certainly express the idea?

Of course, most of you, dear readers, indignantly reject my words: they say, it's a lie, I never revel in their suffering, moreover, if I for some reason I feel unhappy, then nothing and nobody can replace me know what I need, whether it be love of a man, a new fur coat or a promotion. But here you are wrong: of course, you want to be happy and get rid of their suffering, all this is quite understandable and natural, but, you know, if you're not doing anything in order to achieve the desired, and only whining and complaining about the injustice of fate, it clearly says that subconsciously you are prone to masochism. Judge for yourself: complaints and whining rob a man no less force than concrete action, it turns out that you'd rather spend my energy so incompetent manner, instead send it to the specified channel and try to reach my goal (one that can make you are satisfied and happy)!

What does this mean? The fact that the state of "complete disaster" some people do ... Well, if not happy in the conventional sense of the word, at least, satisfied. And do not convince me that you have something not exactly like this - say, if you have something in life goes wrong and is not glued, the sympathy of others you absolutely nowhere. Practice shows that eight out of ten happy basking in the attention, sympathy and compassion for their loved ones, friends and acquaintances, it makes them comfortable and pleasant existence. Only two out of ten are able to overcome temptation and reject this "lotion to the affected area," a kind of balm for wounded souls.

And you tell me what you think of this small group of strong and independent people? Well, if so, it is a huge plus to you - you are unlikely to need my advice and recommendations, you do without me well know what you want out of life! But I think you are wrong: most likely, in one way or another you are dependent on others and their opinions about you, and therefore can not freely move forward towards its goal, to his happiness. However, this does not mean you are doomed to eternal suffering - just depends on you the most, can not you be a happy woman. I assure you - nothing is impossible here!

Lonely Hearts Club

Several years ago I spent a little experiment - has declared publicly that gathers a group of people who feel lonely, abandoned, unwanted or unclaimed in life. Sine qua non of membership in my club I have put the existence of one or more reasons that would unequivocally inscribe rights among the unfortunate victims of fate. I thought that these "offended" typed hardly ten people, but imagine, I am much mistaken! On the appointed day came to me so many people that we all work housed in a rented hall of my home culture.

All these people were waiting for me to comfort and encouragement - in their view, only this reason could induce me to gather in one room all the "accidents" and "offended". However, I was not going to go at them on occasion; yavsegda believed and believe now, that pity is inherently demeaning, because it not only does nothing to someone pitied, but also deprives the person of mental and physical energy, paralyzing his will to fight . His pity you, like a spider's web entangles "victim of injustice", thus not allowing it, this same victim, spread wings and meet life's adversities chest and head high.

In general, one to whom all sympathize, would never resist fate, he finds particular pleasure in the attention of others and his own "unfortunate" situation. I do not like masochists, and therefore deliberately never regret it and no one - at least in words. Sympathy should be manifested in cases where specific assistance, which is why I do not live up to expectations in the audience that day, and people began his speech with a harsh statement: "You're all malingerers, none of you is a truly unhappy person, and I am ready to prove it !

If you knew what the noise rose in the hall after my words! All were offended by my distrust and cynicism, all wanted by all means to prove to me that I was mistaken in not recognizing the obvious (to them) things. However, it is the universal outrage and it was my goal: I wanted to knock out all those "unhappy", gathered in the hall, the ground from under their feet, make them nervous and fuss. You may ask, why do I want? My answer: I had to show his audience that their misfortune - a fact not as obvious as they always seemed to question what they themselves believe to this truth. Of course, for a start I made the crowd fall silent and listen to what I had to tell them.

And I said something like: "If anyone of you do not agree with what I just said, please, will object to me. However, do not expect me to support and consolation, because I sincerely believe that you are not unhappy people. It is possible that I consider all of your suffering is not worth a damn, and your anxiety and worry - a few minor and petty. No need to insult me, because I'm not the first consultation and seen a lot of really unhappy people, and it is unlikely you will be able to me at least something to surprise or amaze. However, if I deem that you actually have a reason to feel unhappy, then we have with you is a different story and I'll try to help you. "

At first, people behaved stiffly, spoke reluctantly, with hesitation, blushing and shy, but gradually they have been drawn into this game and their behavior became more natural and relaxed. Of course, not everyone in the hall went on stage, I did not expect this, but those who took this step, looked happy: someone was important to express publicly all that had accumulated in his soul, someone needed advice or assessment of their actions, some so peculiar way to overcome their shyness and isolation. It must be noted that most of the "speakers" in this day never again came to me for a meeting, apparently, some people have enough "disposable" contact, the first experience of mental exposure to the public has brought them relief - some people enough that they poured out his bitterness, nothing more, and they do not need.

Many of my regular wards admitted to me that taught the game of his household and friends, and it's fun helping them get rid of a lot of problems, because the theme of the discussion can be anything you want. Use this game is certain: first, a person learns to speak, clearly and understandably, concisely but lucidly expressing his idea, and secondly, offering his thoughts on the public debate, a man learns to look at what is happening on all sides, and this in turn, helps him to perceive the situation adequately. And thirdly, as a result of stormy debate can be born truly sensible things. I recommend you try this game on themselves and their friends.