Let's start with the typical problems that baffled adults: many cases mandatory child completely mastered, it is worth nothing in a box to collect scattered toys, lay a bed or putting books in the portfolio in the evening. But all this does not make it hard! Moral support is transmitted by the same word as part of the case. "How to be in such cases? - Ask the parents. - Again, do it with him? ".

Maybe not, but maybe yes. Everything depends on the reason for the "disobedience" of your child. Perhaps you have not yet been with him all the necessary path. After all, it seems to you that he alone can easily arrange all the toys to their places. Maybe if he asks, "Come together", it is not in vain: perhaps he has trudnoorganizovat himself, but maybe he should just your participation, moral support.

Recall: and when learning to ride a bicycle is a phase when you're not supporting hand seat, but still running around. And it gives strength to your child! Observe how wisely our language to reflect this psychological moment: participation in the sense of "moral support" is transmitted by the same word as part of the case.

But more often the root of a negative determination and failure lies in the negative experiences. This could be the problem of the child, but more often it occurs mezhduvami and child, in your relationship with him. One girl admitted as a teenager in an interview with a psychologist: "I would long ago have cleaned and washed in a dish, but then they (parents) think that won me."

If your relationship with your child has long been spoiled, do not think that is enough to apply what that way - and suddenly everything goes well. "Methods", of course, should apply. But without a friendly, warm tones, they give nothing. Such a tone - the most important condition for success, and if your child participate in classes does not help, what's more, if he refuses your help, stop and listen to how you communicate with him. does not command a kid!

"I want my daughter to learn to play the piano - his mother tells eight girls. - I bought a tool that has hired a teacher. Itself when it studied, but gave up, and now regret it. I think, though my daughter will play. Sat with her at the piano for two hours every day. But more and worse! First, do not plant it, then start whims and grievances. I gave her one - she told me another, word for word. Ends with the fact that it tells me: "Go away, without you better!". And I know, if I depart, as it all flies upside down: and the hand not holding, and not those finger plays, and everything ends up fast: "I already work out."

Understood the concern and the best intentions of her mother. More than that, she tries to behave "correctly", that is helping her daughter in a difficult case. But she missed the main condition, without which all the help your child turns into its opposite: it is the main condition - the friendly tone of communication.

 "Guidance" is probably where you need to, but not in joint exercises with the child. As soon as they appear, stops work together. After all together - hence equal. You should not take a position over the child and the children to her very sensitive, and rebelling against it all the living forces of the soul. Then they begin to resist and "necessity" not to accept the "obvious" to challenge the "undisputed."

I'll tell you more about a very valuable method, which helps rid the child and themselves from the "guidance". This method is associated with the discovery of Vygotsky and many times was confirmed by the scientific and practical research. Vygotsky found that children more easily and quickly learns to organize themselves and their affairs, if at some stage to help him by some external means. These can be pictures as a reminder, to-do list, notes, diagrams or written instructions.

Note that these tools - this is not the words of an adult, it is their replacement. A child can use them yourself, and then it turns out half-way to ensure that the deal with the matter himself. Let me give an example of how one family managed by such external means to cancel, rather, to convey own child "executive functions" of parents.

Andrew for six years. According to the just demand of the parents, he must dress himself, when it walks. Outdoors winter, and we need to put on a lot of different things. The boy is "stalling": it only wears socks and sit down in prostration, not knowing what to do next, then, wearing a fur coat and hat, getting ready to go out in slippers. Parents attribute all laziness and carelessness of the child, accuse, to urge him on. In general, the conflicts continue, day after day. However, after consultation with a psychologist, everything changes. Parents make a list of things that the child should wear. List was quite long, as many as nine points! Child already knows how to read by syllables, but still things about each title, along with the boy's parents draw the appropriate picture. This illustrated list hanging on the wall.

The family comes peace, end the conflict, and the child is extremely busy. What did he do now? He drives with his finger on the list, finds the right thing, running wear it runs again to the list, find the next thing, etc. It is easy to guess what will soon happen - the boy remembers the list and got ready to walk as quickly and independently, as it parents - to work. It is remarkable that all this happened without any nervous tension - and his son, and his parents.