My Boyfriend Is Hanging Out With My Enemy

I gave advice to a girl very concerned about her boyfriend’s involvement with her ex-best friend.

Question: Hey Jessica Kelly…

My boyfriend of four and half years recently gave this girl I hate a ride home. She was in a pretty big predicament at the time and he saw her in front of a grocery store crying so I let that one time slide. Recently I found out they were hanging our and when I asked him about it he lied. I just found out they were hanging out again, and when I asked my boyfriend why and that I didn’t want him to do this anymore he asked me why I was always starting problems! What do I do? I can’t believe this is happening to me! He say’s he loves me and I love him, I wish this would have never happened.

Ask Jessica Kelly’s Advice:

OK here it goes:

First of all, let’s get it out-of-the-way that you know this is wrong and you should not be with this guy. Period.

Now that is out-of-the-way; I know you think your boyfriend is cheating on you with your enemy. For kicks, let’s pretend he isn’t doing anything with her that would be considered inappropriate.

Even if he isn’t doing anything with her; it’s the principle of the matter.

The fact that he is hanging out and doing favors for someone you don’t like; for whatever reason is wrong. I don’t care why you don’t like this girl or what happens between the two of you. Your boyfriend of five years is supposed to be the one on your team. I bet he would love it if you hung around or helped out a guy he had a problem with.

The presence of this girl alone makes you unhappy, let alone her presence in you boyfriend’s car. He didn’t run into her in a parking lot bleeding and gave her a ride to the hospital!. He is giving her rides and hanging out with her because he wants too. He might love you, but not enough to protect you from pain. If this was innocent, which at every end of the spectrum it isn’t; he would not need to lie about anything.

This might be making his think she has a shot with your man.

I am sure this toxic girl you don’t like is getting a kick out of all this, which says a lot about her character. He knows what he is doing and is trying to make you feel like you’re crazy.

Would you honestly tell your best friend too keep dating a guy that was doing this?
I know this is hard for you, especially because you have been with him for so long. You need to leave him now. You know you need to leave him. I know you also knew the right thing to do before you asked this question. He doesn’t care about how you feel at all. If you leave him he might still love you and you might still love him, but in this situation; what has love got to do with it?

I love to eat strawberries, but if they started to make me sick and depressed; I would stop eating them. Your boyfriend has expired and rotted. He used to be someone else. Treat the guy you met five or more years ago, and the guy your now with as two different people.

Your boyfriend isn’t the same guy he was.

The guy you met is gone, and you’re sorry excuse for a replacement hangs out with a girl you don’t like.

I know leaving isn’t easy, and you wish you had an on and off switch to control not staying with him. I know you would have never in a million years thought you would be the type of girl who would put up with this crap from a guy.

When your boyfriend gives you immature responses he is basically telling you to be quiet because he doesn’t care. He is selfish, and will probably try to get you back after you leave because he doesn’t care if he hurts you again. He doesn’t’ care what an emotional toll this is taking on you now or in the future.

Just because your boyfriend isn’t a horrible person, doesn’t give you a reason to stay.

I am not in any way saying your boyfriend is evil or a bad person. I also know you guys laugh together and besides this probably didn’t have any huge, huge issues.

Let him go, and do it soon. You are both going to be unhappy if you stay together. You will always be angry with him and paranoid about his activity, which will make him miserable. He will always be participating in behavior that makes you feel insecure and unwanted.

Please go get happy, even if the road to happiness is bumpy.