Life crisis in women

"What I saw in my life?" (Lamentations middle-aged woman) 

We have a common belief that mid-life crisis is felt in the male-dominated. But it is not. Depression associated with the transition period, are also observed in women. Middle-aged woman is often omitted, puts on a cross and goes into the endless worries about her husband, children and elderly parents. In those years, she lives "is not my life, wasting time and energy not for themselves but for their loved ones. We can see his heavy, casually dressed, with indifference, tired face, forty-year woman and horrified that her days occur in gray paint and flaccid experiences. 

Indeed, until recently we thought that the age of forty average woman should look, "according to age: plump, specifically, like a woman dressed with a six-month wave, do home and family, to have no thoughts about his personal life" for themselves. " But in recent years, many of us began to travel in tours outside Russia and frankly surprised, seeing western women in the streets, in restaurants, at meetings and receptions ("Lord, she has all 40 or even 50 years old, but she - cheerful, tightened , stylish, in trousers and did flirt with young men! "or" Look! Starushechka, perhaps, years 70 and as well maintained and looks beautiful! "). 

As a woman living in Russia? Think about this question made me an episode on one of the psychological studies that I conducted on a large commercial bank. I asked the participants for 15 minutes, make a list of occupations, which they often do in accordance with the principle "I must." Women are actively recorded point by point in his notebooks. The discussion revealed that on average they recorded 9.7 points. But some of the list was much longer: more than 10 types of work that they have to do on the debt of wife and mother. 

I then asked participants to write a class, they perform on the principle of "I want to." I. .. I saw surprised, bewildered faces. Most women were able to recall 2-3 classes, no more. 

Few Russian women think about how they live, whether they are satisfied with life. Internal "scale" to many Russian women are leaning toward "I must." And on the cup, "I want" almost nothing. As a result, 50-55 years, in a conversation with a friend or psychological counseling, they often exclaim bitterly: "Life is almost gone! All my life I have lived for the children and husband, forgetting himself. And now there is nothing to remember: all matters and concerns, fatigue and disease. " 

In addition to a typical woman's life "for others" that sucks out a woman of strength and energy crisis that it is experiencing in adulthood is associated with climacteric phenomena and women's own experiences fading. The severity of the monotone and monotonous household work she feels tired, and from experienced difficulties and hardships of life - the hopelessness and the inability to "break the cycle" (cooler, like a squirrel in a cage. At a time left "). Difficulties of female life are connected with the fact that she always had to relate, in principle, malouvyazyvaemye things: home and work, diplomacy and pressure, suppleness and resilience. Congestion and overemployment in their lives, many women commented on this: "I need to remember lots of daily large and small affairs: school and dry-cleaning, a report on the work and dinner at home, to deliver a presentation at the meeting, and products for the elderly-parents." 

In modern Russia the Women's crisis is exacerbated by the fact that now many women bear the burden of not only the domestic burden, but also the necessary income. In families, it often is - the main breadwinner. Husband lost his job, the parents retired barely making ends meet, and only it works and feeds the family. Such cases are many. 

Why is this happening? The answer is simple: in contrast to men, a woman is easy to reduce the loss of status, which she performed in Soviet times. By and large, she do not care what they do. So, Ph.D. trades on the market, and a former teacher working nurse in a kindergarten. Primarily for women not acting prestige and contented pride, and the possibility of sufficient income for a family. 

Of course, the need to earn exacerbates crisis in women. But, despite the fact that wealthy families is no such problem, the wife of "new Russian" also do not live a simple life. So, they are often faced with the phenomenon of "home depressed, previously unknown in Russia: the reason is that in addition to houses and shops are nothing more they see, they have sharply reduced vitality, they suffer from apathy and indifference. Yes, it happens infrequently departures on holiday and, in fact, everything. Own substantial interests and passion her profession she has not. The result is an emotional and financial overdependence on her husband. Middle-aged woman, but look, afraid of losing is also a rich husband. Increased nervousness, anxiety and depression - are often the "guests" in wealthy homes. 

Middle-aged woman enters a period of life crisis, it is necessary to understand the most important: an increase in the number of years a woman's life does not end, and continues moving in a different quality. In different years, a woman living a different life, and life in later years is not worse than a woman's life in his youth. 

Women's life at a young age - it's the fans, novels and erotica, fashion clothes and bright makeup. Women's life in his mature years - is above all the experience, wisdom, subtlety and depth of emotion. This - also love, and not only men but also to children and helping humanity, women's attitude toward people in general. The psychological value of a woman of mature years, no less young, and maybe more. 

During these years women need to organize their lives in accordance with the following rules. 

First , as well as men, we must calmly and with dignity to their age. Do not suffer from complexes, not to complain about the age, disease and sickness. Middle-aged woman with tired face and dull eyes - this is not the only possibility. Do not complain and do not feel like a victim! Calmly think about how to change their lives for the better. 

Second , remember that age - it's not so much an objective factor, but the fact that we ourselves invent. Unconsciously submitting to public expectations to see middle-aged woman crushed by life and heavy with problems ("You have forty, you're all you ride like a girl ?!"), we start to feel to behave according to these expectations: changes its stride with a light and supple in the overweight and clumsy, shine in the eyes - at the gloomy emptiness, smile - on the troubled look and frown. Gradually, sometimes imperceptibly to themselves, we "obabivaemsya: selects the default gray, shapeless clothing, swifts short hair, like haircuts women of our age in our environment, round-shouldered, wearing overcoat, great, mohair beret and take a heavy hand bags. In general, unconsciously trying to be "like everyone else, we customize its appearance under the typical appearance of an aging woman. 

But just as we change ourselves by public standards, we can also change ourselves and in a positive way: in contrast to the expectations of others, to maintain the ease and speed of gait, radiance and light in her eyes, wear fashionable clothes, emphasizing not the age and dignity of appearance Finally, enjoy life, make plans for the future, loving husband, a close friend, children, relatives. 

And so - not 50 or 55 years, and life! The main thing is not age, but our feeling in my life. 

Third : do not sell to himself, his * interests and desires. If you are very good, and your loved ones will also be good. Your good mood and satisfaction with their lives spread to others and create a positive emotional atmosphere in the family. You must build your life is not an "I should, but on the principle of balance," I must - I want "or" How I give - so get '. If you manage to achieve life balance, then you have no one to blame ("All his life he gave, ingrate!") And not with whom will require ("You must respect me and appreciate me for you sacrificed your life!"). Agree, when we accuse and demand, bad and ourselves and our families. After all, they somehow nothing to blame! 

Fourth . Completely abandon his age should not be, we must calmly say to himself: "I have no such energy and stamina, as in his youth." And then do not despair, and to develop a health program for yourself and try to execute it every day, regularly and rigorously. Thus, it is necessary to fully sleep, there is an easy and high quality food (not necessarily black caviar, may be more familiar to us boiled potatoes with vegetable oil and green onions), go to the pool, watching funny movies, chat with nice and optimistic people. 

Fifth . Because now, in society - a tense atmosphere, try to behave in a way that is not evocative: not to join the altercation on the streets, not to support the talk about high prices and terrible famine, which is supposedly waiting for us in the future, not envy, does not wish ill to his neighbor , have a clean conscience. 

Simple, is not it?