Jealousy and envy , perhaps, made to hide and blame in our culture the most, as "believes," that they are black personality: envy test - mean to be bad, ugly, angry, and our zeal allegedly imposes restrictions on the life of another person. The ban on the experience of these feelings affect comfort in life, because that they are accountable for our financial and personal well-being. In order to understand where the harm, and where the benefits of these feelings, let's dissolve the notion: jealousy and envy are healthy and there are abnormal. Out of fear of "sick" with jealousy or envy of many people currently prohibit their healthy manifestations, and therefore often with empty pockets and in solitude, as well as the accumulated suppressed pathological jealousy and envy.

So, what's the difference between "healthy" and "sick" with jealousy and envy.

At the heart of a healthy jealousy and envy is the biological sense of ownership and value of the property, based on survival instincts. Living creature, not valuing their place, their relatives, their property, may at any time to lose them when a more vigorous competitor tries to take a place to attract these close and take possession of the property. Healthy manifestations of jealousy and envy necessarily inherent frugality and concern about his "property" (whatever or whoever it was), about her comfort, vitality; attention to her needs. Demonstrates his jealous feelings and actions: "I cherish you."

In jealousy contained energy, helping people to maintain and develop its value to take care of her. In envy, the energy of motion contains forward to new achievements. Jealous said: "This is what I seek, what I want to achieve and what is ready to make an effort." In many of these feelings of admiration, warmth and joy. However, the truth, when a man in their life situation feels helpless, helpless (the words "can not"), impotent, when his forces, he samotsenivaet as irrelevant, their quality - bad feelings - the unworthy, the opportunities - are absent or minor Then jealousy and envy "sick" anger and despair.

In pathological jealousy is a major component of powerlessness, the anger and despair that are based on dislike for yourself. Who does not love a person suspects that he can not love others, that he was not good enough that others - it is better and therefore deserve more warmth, love, attention, care and respect. Thus, the main cause of pathological jealousy and envy - low self-esteem. It's time to do an exercise that shows what your self-esteem now. If in your environment, there are people you admire, cherish, or to which vyzavidue-cho, imagine etogocheloveka and complete the table:

When a person is very low estimates themselves, it seems to him that he does not deserve a good job, a good partner in life, a good apartment, good clothes and so on. Hence there is great fear of losing their property, powerlessness to influence those who can take these values. The consequence of this chain are desperate attempts to control the object of her love, often expressed in violence. If at the same time jealous of shared conviction that jealousy - it's bad, it enters into the inner clinch with himself: he strongly revnuetivtozhevremya forbids his jealousy. Sometimes this process is so suppressed and hidden from itself, that a person sees only its consequences: an unreasoning sense of sadness and loneliness, headaches, seizures, psychosomatic diseases of the liver, gall bladder, stomach, pancreas.

In pathological jealousy is also a major component of uncertainty in their abilities. Such a person often feels like a failure, low value on their abilities and capabilities, talents and skills. He seems to say: I do not know how, I can not, I will not work. He is powerless and angry at my inability, and because he thinks of him is nothing in this world does not depend on, he is inclined to seek reasons for the success of others in their particular situation, relationship, some sort of "luck" - that is, in external circumstances . And since he himself does not find such circumstances, he would rather blame others for dishonesty than own up to their irresponsible attitude to their own lives. Here, in my words there is no condemnation, because people can genuinely do not suspect that only he himself is responsible for all the events that occur in his life. Thus, the first cause pathological jealousy and envy is the low self-esteem. When a person himself low value, but not to admit that he starts looking around people who should take over the function of its low estimate. And every human has his own century "fad" where it should be the low estimate. Someone at work, someone has sex, someone Hilbert appearance and so on.

Integrity of personal relationships

The second cause of these feelings - a violation of personal integrity of the territory of the rights and integrity of its relationships, family, home, workplace. For example, you have some secret, and someone finds them (read your blog secretly or writing) - then the integrity and security of your personal (psychological) territory is violated. Or do you have with your partner is something that you share together, and suddenly you find out that divides that he not only with you - for example, your total money, your total bed or your common house. And then jealousy - the fear that the precious leaves of a pair of outward, will be squandered, and that you do not dispose of the common together, and someone else has a right to your shared values.

It is very important to determine what in your relationship with another human being belongs only to you and to what extent. The third cause of jealousy and envy - the concept of what you include in the field of their property. If this is the case, for example, the relationship with your partner, then the percentage you include in the scope of its own body partner, his feelings, time, money, attention and sincerity? Try to figure: how many percent of these "parts" of the partner you need from him to feel satisfied with the relationship? What percentage should be your partner in every field?

Answer the questions and write answers in your diary retrospective:

1.Na how much interest the mind of your partner (child, parent, friend, husband / wife) belong to you?

2.Na what percentage of your partner's body belongs to you?

3.Na what percentage of your partner's money belongs to you?

4.If there are some values that you think you have the right, determine how much interest they belong to you.

After completion of this activity will discuss with your partner (husband, wife, child, parent, friend, and so on), what you have in common and how much interest. Try it (it) on this agreement.