It is known that when a person is happy, he smiles. Known and another effect: if some time to stretch her lips into a smile, then it becomes funny and fun. Knowing this simple law relationship, you can work the same with our other features. It reflects our thinking and way of action. If we change it, and life begins to change. Your speech reflects the processes that occur within you, and transmits information about you in the world, and allows you to take in the surrounding world that you need to satisfy your life. In the next exercise, I will tell you exactly how it reflects our way of life and how it can also change it.

Pay attention to how you usually build your conversation with others, what turns of phrase you use. For example, in this book, I often use the connection, which is reflected in the use of pronouns "we," "our", "us" and so on. The purpose of my connection - to demonstrate that we all have the same structure, as well as to make our position with you, my reader, to be equal, to support you in this way. But often in life bessoznatelnomy uses accession and in other cases: when we are afraid to express their distinct from other people, opinion, and when poorly understand exactly what we want ourselves apart from other people when we ourselves are looking for support from those whom we say "we . Do you use a pronoun in the speech with such a purpose? Be honest with yourself when you watch his speech, and write in your diary observations to answer the following questions:

In dealing with what people do you use the pronoun "we"?

What do you feel when you eat a pronoun?

What do you want at this point?

Is there something common in your dealings with people about whom you say "we"?

The next exercise is aimed at, to separate their own needs and feelings of the needs and feelings of others. Notice how you use the pronoun "we", "our", "us", and replace them with "I", "my", "me", correcting himself immediately as soon as noticed. Try to listen to yourself: what changes for you when you change the way their speech? What do you feel? Write the answers to these questions in your diary. Pronoun "we" are also quite often use people with respect to their loved ones from whom they feel dependent or who want to keep depending on you.

Other popular pronoun "you" many people use when describing their feelings and processes. For example, your friend tells how he went on nature: "There you chuvstvueshsebya wild man and hocheshslitsya with nature." At the same time he talks about himself, and in fact the text reads: "There I felt a wild man and wanted to merge with nature." You can often hear people in conversations that the speech paradox. Did you use it yourself? How often? Just as in the previous exercises, note the following.

• In dealing with what people you use this speech paradox?

• What do you feel when you eat it?

• What do you want at this point?

Notice how you use the pronoun "you" in this way, and replace it with "I", correcting himself immediately as soon as noticed. Try to listen to yourself: what changes for you when you change the way their speech? What do you feel? Write the answers to these questions in your diary. Often, this person uses verbal paradox in the case where hesitate own experiences. Saying "you" when we refer to ourselves, we are alienating their own words, thoughts, feelings and needs of themselves, attributing them to others. Usually this means that the person does not like your own self-image, and he would feel, look and act differently than he is. Such a man is afraid of criticism and condemnation from others waiting, do not trust yourself and do not like myself, tends to meet expectations of others.

Note: How often do you yourself "Saw" after an important conversation with someone? And why bring this showdown with himself? Usually - only a bad mood or, worse, psychosomatics: headache, gastritis, colds, heart problems and so on. The brightest illustration of the internal conflict, perhaps, will Golum from the movie "Lord of the Rings: remember kakon engaged in dialogue with itself on different sides of the tree? At some point he managed to get rid of their "evil" part. But because of internal conflict is not solved equations expulsion of one of the parts itself, then later, this part is not only back, but also captured Goluma completely. So usually happens to you, is not it?

To get rid of this internal conflict, do the following exercise.

As soon as you notice that voice traffic from itself, for example, "I'm dissatisfied with myself at the fact that he had done so-and-so", try to remember: who was unhappy with you when you do that? Perhaps this person will be someone from your relatives, parents. Try to feel the feelings you have for this man in connection with the fact that he was displeased with you? What would you now like to respond to him? That would like to ask him? Record your observations and feelings in your diary. This internal conflict is actually a transformation of the old external conflict between you and other people who have not resolved. If you keep track of his inner struggle, and each time discover who she really is, and finish it with help of those phrases that will express your feelings for this man, after a while you will notice that your self-flagellation is over, and you breathe easier.

 "Dialog with an empty chair"

Put in front of an empty chair and imagine it that person who you had not "satisfied for any of your actions. Imagine how he looks like a sitting, in which he dressed as he looks at you, with what face. What do you feel about it? turned to him and tell about your feelings about what you went through when he told you about their dissatisfaction. (list of emotions, see above.) Say "is also about what you are really wanted and expected from him, but never received. Tell me about how to influence behavior and attitude of this man to you on your life. You can become aware of different feelings: the pain and fear, and anger, and others. Try to discover and express all the feelings that you may experience in connection with long-standing conflict. As I already wrote above, it is important not to describe another person's behavior and actions, and called their feelings and live them at this point completely, but did not formally talk about them. Only then will they be completed, and together with them to complete your long-standing conflict, developed into self-criticism.

When performing this exercise, you may encounter the following difficulties:

• It may seem silly this experiment. Well after all foolish as to talk with an empty chair! And the truth is, it's silly, but how it works!

• You may feel a stupor, as if you have nothing to say. Try to realize that the feeling of blocking you in this moment. It may be fear or shame. Then start from that, saying: "I'm scared to tell you about it" or "I am ashamed to tell you about it." This technique is useful when you are talking to someone in real life. If you feel some sense of you stops, ozvuchte his handicap.

The following speech habit, which is necessary to pay attention, as follows. You may find that by speaking about their internal processes, assign them to their own will. For example, you say: "This idea came to me in the head" instead of "I thought," "My illness makes me ..." instead of "When I'm sick, I ..." "My character makes me ..." instead of "I fundamentally do so ... ". If you recognize yourself as a victim of your internal processes, while managing their own behavior becomes impossible for you. To change and begin to govern themselves, need to start to change their speech habits. Notice such turns of phrase and modify them as in the examples as soon as find them. Record your observations in a diary. What changed for you when you are so rebuilds his speech? What new feelings you have?