If your child has something does not work
Let's look at a situation in which your child is something busy doing something, but it makes you think, "not" bad, with errors. Imagine the scene: the kid enthusiastically conveyed with mosaics. It turns out he's not all as it should, mozainki scattered, mixed up, did not immediately inserted, and the flower turns "is not so." You want to intervene, teach, show. And you can not stand: "Wait - you say - should not, but true." But the child annoyance he answers: "No, I did."
Another example. Second-form girl wrote a letter to my grandmother. You look it over his shoulder. Letter touching, but my handwriting is just clumsy, and the errors are many: all these famous baby "ischo", "sun, sun", "chyustvuyu. How could I not notice and correct? But the child after amechany upset sours, does not want to write more. One day her mother noticed quite an adult son: "Oh, how do you get awkward, you'd first learned ..." It was the birthday of the son, and he was elated excitedly danced with everyone - as best he could. After these words he sat on a chair and sat grimly for the rest of the evening, the mother is mad at his offense. Birthday was ruined.
In general, different children respond differently to parents "not": one grustneyut and lost, others are offended, others are rebelling: "Once is bad, I will not do!" As if the reaction is different, but they all show that children do not like such treatment. Why? To understand this better, let us remember themselves as children. How long have we ourselves did not work to write a letter, clean sweep the floor or deftly hammer a nail? Now these things seem simple to us. So, when we show and impose this "easy" child, which is actually difficult , we proceed as unfair. The child has the right to offend us.
Look at the year-old kid who is learning to walk. Here it is unhooked from your fingers and make the first hesitant steps. At each step, with difficulty keeping balance, swinging, intensely moving his little hands. But he is pleased and proud. Few parents would ever think to lecture: "Is it so go? See how to! "Or:" What do you all rock? How many times have I told you, is not machine-handed. Come walk through again, and that was all right! "
The kid is happy with the fact that he has something it turns out, since he already "is", albeit unsteadily. Comical? Ridiculous? But it is equally absurd from a psychological point of view, any criticisms addressed to the person (child or adult) who learns to do anything himself.
Four teaching outcome
Your child is learning something. The grand total will consist of several partial results. Name four of them.
The first and most obvious - is the knowledge that he will, or skill that he mastered.
The second result is less obvious: it is common practice the ability to learn, that is, to teach himself.
The third result - the emotional trace of occupation - satisfaction or disappointment, confidence or lack of confidence in their abilities.
Finally, the fourth result - a trace on your relationship with him, if you took part in the lessons. Here, the result can be either positive (satisfied with each other) or negative (which earn more mutual grievances).
Remember: Parents face a growing danger rely solely on the first result (to learn? Learned?) Do not forget about the other three. They are much more important.
So, if your child builds with blocks strange "palace", sculpts a dog that looked like a lizard, wrote gnarled handwriting or not so neatly tells the story of the film, but at the same time fascinated and focused - do not criticize, do not correct him. And if you have and show genuine interest in his case, you will feel how the efforts of mutual respect and acceptance of each other, so necessary for you and him.
I foresee a question: how to teach, if you do not indicate an error? Yes, knowledge of error is useful and often necessary, but indicated they needed to with special care. If a child that goes wrong in the first place, it is not necessary to notice every mistake, and secondly, the error is better to discuss then, in a calm atmosphere, but not at the moment when a child is fascinated by business, finally, the observations should always be done against the background of general approval.
And in this art we should learn from the children themselves. Ask ourselves: does the child often about their mistakes? Agree, often knows - as well as feel-year-old baby steps incertitude. And how he relates to these errors? It turns out, is more tolerant than the adults. Why? And he was pleased by the fact that he has something it turns out, since he already "is", albeit unsteadily. In addition, he guesses, tomorrow will turn out better! As parents, we want more comments to get better results. And often get quite the contrary.
As a father of a nine year old boy admitted: "I'm so picky attitude to mistakes his son that he stole any desire to learn something new once we had fond assembly models. Now he makes them himself, and does fine. However, stuck to them: all the models so model. But any new deal would not want to start. Says: I can not, do not get - and I feel it's because I had quite zakritikoval.
I hope now you are ready to rule, which is guided in situations where a child is busy with something on their own. Do not meddle in the business, which occupied the child, unless he asks for help. His laissez-faire will you tell him: "Are you all right! You, of course, right! ".
