People meet, marry, have children, and then ... apart. Whoever decided to divorce, it is always a painful process. Particularly heavy "residual effects": the desire to never see this person in your life, endless internal monologues addressed to the former spouse, self-pity, reproaches from her husband, legitimate questions and reactions of children: "Where is daddy and when he would live with us? "And of course, guilt ... As you know, time heals even the most severe wounds, but this process is sometimes delayed for months or even years. Is it possible to shorten the grueling suffering soul? Why is it so painful? " How to mend relations with ex-husband?

People tend to diverge, slamming the door. The accumulated resentment do not give to live in peace. It's his fault! His character could not be tolerated! Of course, we all are not angels, not an easy task for family life consists in the fact that two entirely different in character, upbringing, and perhaps the image of a person's life could "get used" to each other. The secret of "lapping" is simple enough, but in practice it is his people ignore, stuffing one bump after another. It is to voice any disagreements, to show displeasure, as soon as it appears.

In this case, you need to follow basic rules of human communication: speak only about the specific situation, not remembering all the relatives to the seventh generation and the previous offense, not to offend his interlocutor, to try to decipher each concept or generalization. We are all very different. Each of us puts in words only makes sense. Often the husband and wife, saying, seems to be about the same, they mean different or the same name are the same things different names.And there you are in the registry office, keep in trembling hands for divorce, and in the column "Reason for divorce," writes: "I do not got on together." Actually - just do not want to understand each other ...

Now we have to investigate the cause of past misunderstandings after the fact.Ready? It is best to meet on neutral territory and talk. Help in this very simple and at the same time, these painful issues.

- What you did not like my actions, and why?

- What did you mean when you say that ...

- What do you expect me in that situation?

You can say that do not have to sort things out, to reopen old wounds inflicted by this man, and even more so to do something for him! But he simply does not deserve this! Maybe. So let us take for granted the fact that we are doing it solely for themselves and, of course, for a child in common. After all, he has the right to peaceful relations between his beloved parents - even after divorce. Help us in this following questions addressed to him already.

- Do I want to stop twitching at the thought of this man?

- Do I want to when they met him to remain calm and unruffled?

- Do I want to mingle peacefully with her former husband - the father of my children?

If all questions are answered positively, then proceed.

Remember the good ...

In every person there is both good and bad, strengths and weaknesses, and, as a rule, in equal proportions. At the beginning of good relations proudly in the foreground to be noticed, bad as the time remains in the shadows (and we do not want to notice it, seeing in its chosen solely prince on a white horse). Gradually fades good, is not so clearly evident. We get used to the advantages of a loved one, forgetting that at the very beginning they have attracted. And the time comes the bad.

It turns out, how much it has flaws! And snoring and blowing his nose, and dirty socks everywhere scatters, and a hefty hog! How do I live with him at all, it is unclear! When the cup is overflowing bad, people get divorced. To avoid this, we should start to notice the good before you think about the division of property and children. But let's say, a divorce, unfortunately, took place. Should I now think of the former spouse and why do it? The answer is: is solely for the sake of future good relations. And you and your child need peace and quiet. You do not want to harass himself and his thoughts: Here again, my kid goes to this hateful monster! Child unlike you see in the "monster" loving and beloved father. Therefore, begin to remember the dignity of her ex-husband, and this will help you a question: What is it was such for which I love him?

- How does it beautifully played the guitar when caring for me!

- This omelet with tomatoes, which he prepared, I have not tried ever.

- He could cheer me up when you feel the cat scratched.

- Gifts that he gave were always generous and unexpected.

- In the bathroom, he sang the song, what amused me and the children.

- He was very well read, and I loved to listen to his stories about new books and movies.

- He ...

Probably someone of you mourn and cry: Oh, what a guy he was! Maybe even want to get this back ... Try it, but they say that twice in the same river are not included.

Gratitude and Forgiveness

It is believed that the most sure way to forever say goodbye to negative thoughts about the ex-husband - is gratitude and forgiveness, and after such positive memories of a reason to be thankful for there fast: He gave me so much! I got so much from him! Since forgiveness is more difficult: you'll always remember the scenes explanation of the relationship, misunderstanding and resentment. "Surely this man, I should forgive?" - You ask yourself. Should not. Do it because you want to get rid of the heavy burden of the past, let go of this man on all four sides and not to return to lived through again and again. Sincere forgiveness has an amazing property to heal severe wounds by transforming our memories of the emotional to the actual. What happened to you, will float in memory without causing you any trouble, you can look at these relationships sober view and make the right conclusions.

Ideal relationship. Is it possible?

Maybe. But only if you abstract the phrase "I want everyone to be well translate into normal human language. So I want to:

- That we learn to speak calmly;

- That both were responsible for the fate of our children;

- That he met, did not recall old grievances, and talked only about the specific problems;

- That our children have learned from us to build relationships in peace and not live on past grievances.

The list goes on, explaining the various nuances of relationships. The clearer, shorter and more positive will formulate a list of items, the faster you will achieve your goal.

Talk with your child

The most aggrieved party in the divorce proceedings are children. Not so much because my favorite baby people always quarrel, but because it kept in the dark.Talking with your child about the impending divorce, or about why mom and dad no longer live together, it seems most difficult. But do not kid explaining the essence of what is happening, we further complicate life for themselves and him. No matter how old your child. Try it out with him in his language.

Say what you will it continue like that the conflicts that occur between you, do not belong to him, that he himself had nothing to blame. Remember that, just sorting out the previous relationship, making conclusions, forgiving and thanking the former partner for the invaluable life experience, you can go to other, more qualitative stage of family relationships - such as in your home the sun always shines, people are protective of each other and children often laugh!