So, let's talk about prevention of emotional problems. One way is pretty clear, although we parents often forget about it. Do not demand the impossible or difficult for a child is feasible. Instead, look what you can change in the environment. For example, polutoragodovaly kid is very interested in socket. Are you worried that he might not put it in her fingers. Persuasion and bans do not work, quarrel with the child - even more so. The problem will disappear if you block the outlet some sort of furniture or buy a special plug.

Of course, you can easily find other examples of how in everyday life to protect yourself and your child from unnecessary stress. Some parents put the temporary barricades at the windows, remove all the higher beating, carried out of the room expensive furniture, a child can move freely, stick in his room, cheap wallpaper upside down so that he could draw on them.

 I was struck by its brilliant simplicity of a single rule, adopted in American schools: all written work, including math, boys in primary and middle classes make a pencil to the upper end of which is attached eraser. Eraser tool they can use indefinitely. Seeing this, I thought: how many tears, frustrations and conflicts helps avoid this simple idea!

To avoid unnecessary problems and conflicts in balancing their own expectations with the capabilities of the child. The idea is this: is useless to require the child impossible or very difficult, to which he is not ready yet. Better to change what is outside it, in this case - their expectations. All parents have expectations as to what may already or should already be doing their child and that he should not do. This does not mean that we should not raise the bar for the child, ie educate the practical mind, responsibility, obedience. On the contrary, it must be done at any age. How can I learn not to be angry with the child? " This bar should not be set too high. And most importantly - should follow their reactions. Knowing that the child is learning a new height and misfires are inevitable, can significantly add your tolerance and allow a relaxed view of his failure.

Try not to usurp the child's emotional problems. What are we talking about? Have not you ever heard such words from the children (mostly from teenagers and older) to the parents: "Stop crying (nervous, panic), it only prevents you give me"? For these words is a need to separate children from their parents and the emotional sense: to learn to be self-reliant in the face of intense and sometimes dangerous situations.

How to Resolve Conflicts

When I read with some surprise in a psychological book that family conflicts are inevitable even with the good relations and that the matter is not to avoid them or try to hush up, but in order to properly resolve them. Eventually, after looking to his life and surroundings, I found that it really is. Conflict situations await us almost at every step, and in some cases it ends with an open dispute in the other - unspoken and concealed resentment, and happens, and this "battle". In our time, has written many books on how to constructively resolve conflicts. Today we are going to do this "science."

First, let's look at how and pochemuvoznikayut conflicts between parents and children. Take a typical example (whether he is familiar to you?): The family is watching television in the evening, but everyone wants to watch her. For example, a son - an avid fan, and he expects to see the broadcast of a football match. Mom set up to another series of foreign films. Inflames debate: Mom can not miss the series, it was "the day it was waiting for" the Son can not abandon the match: he was "waiting for him any longer!".

Another example.

Mom in a hurry to finish preparing to receive guests. Discovers that the house was no bread. She asks her daughter to go to the store. But that will soon top the sports section, and she does not want to be late. Mom asks "enter into her position, my daughter does the same. One insists that the other does not agree. Emotions run high. What is common in these stories? Which creates a situation of conflict and leads to "inflame passions"? It is obvious that matter - in a collision interesovroditelya and child. Note that in such cases, the satisfaction of desire on the one hand means infringing the interests of another and causes a strong negative emotions: anger, resentment, anger. Using the already known terminology, we can say that the conflict of interest arises a problem both at once: and the child and parent. Or, in other words, both cups are filled to the brim.

What to do in such cases? Parents solve this problem differently. Some say: "Actually, no need to bring to the conflict." Perhaps the intention is good in principle. But, unfortunately, no one is immune from what our desires and our child once disperse. Life is too complicated, so that the interests of parents and children (and parents together) is always the same. When the controversy started, some parents see no other option but to insist on his own, while others, on the contrary, believe that it is better to give up, keep the peace. So there are two non-constructive ways to resolve conflicts that are collectively known as "The winner is only one." The first non-constructive way to resolve the conflict: "The winner is the parent."

Parents tend to use the first method, consider that child to win, to break his resistance is necessary. Will give him, so he "would sit on his neck," "will do whatever it wants." Find themselves, they show children an example of questionable behavior "always get what you want, ignoring the desires of another." And children are very sensitive to the manner of parents and early childhood to imitate them. So that in families where applicable authoritarian, coercive methods, children quickly learn to do the same. They seem to be returning adults to teach a lesson, and then "spit found on a stone."

There is another option this way - gently, but firmly, require the child to fulfill its desires. Often this is accompanied by an explanation with which the child eventually accepts. However, if such pressure - the constant tactic of parents by which they always get their way, the child learns another rule: "My personal interests (desires, needs) do not count, you still have to do what they want or need parents."

In some families, it goes on for years, and children often are the losers. As a rule, they are growing or aggressive or too passive. But in both cases they have accumulated bitterness and resentment, their relationships with their parents can not be called friends and trustees. The second non-constructive way to resolve the conflict: "The winner is only a child." Along this route are parents who are either afraid of conflict ("peace at any price") or are always ready to sacrifice himself "for the sake of the child, or both.

In these cases, children grow up selfish, not accustomed to the order, who can not organize themselves. All this may be not so much within the family "general compliance", but as soon as they are outside the door of the house and are included in what is a common cause, as a start to experience difficulties. At school, at work, in any company they are already no one wants to indulge. With their excessive demands for others and the inability to go to meet others, they remain in solitude, often encounter ridicule and even rejection.

In such a family with deaf parents accumulated discontent of his own child and their destiny. In old age, these "forever compliant" Adults are often lonely and abandoned. And only then comes the epiphany: they can not forgive myself for softness and meek surrender.

Thus, properly resolved family conflicts, large and small, will inevitably give a "cumulative effect". And under his influence shaped character traits, which then turn into the fate of children and parents. It is therefore very important to be attentive to every conflict of interest between you and your child.