One of the main obstacles to the formation of a presentable appearance is our internal barriers - these are the conclusions that were made in childhood. In order to draw conclusions, much effort is required. They can easily be done in childhood and in adulthood. Such conclusions have a powerful impact on us as a child little experience - his map of the world is very narrow. Still poorly developed sense organs and the ability to accept only what suits him. A power output is the same as an adult and a child. Than before, and he hastily passed, the more impact it has on people. How are these conclusions? A child absorbs the world around us, like a sponge, he has a need for information and experience. Those people who surround him - parents, mentors, friends - it lay in their facilities, their experience, beliefs. And they do so as they can.

• You can not ...

• You must ...

• You need ...

• Should ...

Here add another experience with which the child can not cope (fright, fear, loss, failure, etc.). Result - I'm ugly, worthless, I have many shortcomings. When a person grows up, he does not remember this experience. If his life was not the people who helped to cope with negative emotions, evaluation, the image is transformed into a distorted shape. If you look carefully, you'll notice these people. They are a little bent, they are unsure of view, the eyes look away, shy, or, conversely, insolent, ironic joke on himself and others, etc. The result of this children's message - an inferiority complex in the child. The girl tried to hide his weakness paint freckles thick layer of foundation, powder.

Stereotypes

A stereotype is a generally accepted rule, under which people are accustomed to think and act. In other words, stereotypes are those formulas that we accept without thinking, such as habits and customs that are firmly rooted and "not negotiable". In other words, the established behavior becomes so familiar that it ceases to attract attention. These "habits" to think and act we get from their families and society. They affect us, causing our behavior and choices that we make, and, of course, our perception of ourselves, the people around them and what is happening. Consider a few examples of social stereotypes, to understand how they affect the appeal.

"The man's head, and a woman - his neck." How does this stereotype? If a girl has learned that stereotype, that his chief merit, defining her as a woman, would take the ability to control the man, turning him where "he wants." That is to manipulate them and not to build honest relationships. She may feel not enough "good woman", if a man should not be its "management" if it is not able to manipulate. Such a woman may experience severe suffering, comparing himself with other women - those who, in her opinion, are able to manipulate well.

A man who learned this stereotype, wants his woman docile, domestic, gentle and wise: to openly and honestly did not speak, my feelings did not show, but it was respected, appreciated and loved. Such a man is inclined to be non-self, expected support from women, even in cases when it is not dolzhnaego support, for example, if it has changed. A man wearing a stereotype that considers himself unattractive if it detects that a woman he does not listen, has his own opinion and law. Naturally, in today's society, women can no longer be in the same terms as before, as it is developed as a person, she has the opportunity to realize their personal, intellectual, creative needs, and it can not be under pressure from men. Sooner or later, "subordinate" position leads to conflict. On the other hand, with the invention of machinery manual labor went into the background, the woman began to work, and modern man no longer needs to make major money.

How to get rid of the influence of stereotypes? In order to eliminate the influence of stereotypes, it is necessary to understand what stereotypes are aware and accepted (ie, necessary and useful), and what are the negative messages and are obstacles to the formation of his appearance. To do this exercise. Deliberate and considered to be those stereotypes, which were obtained from experience and tested in practice. A person who has an opinion (as opposed to stereotypes), not to say formulaic phrases. If these beliefs are harmoniously blended in his world view, he said: "I believe ..." - and may give it an explanation. Another option - a man taking a stereotype, missed it by yourself, your experiences, and then changed it as right for him. Please note, that we are now working with the stereotypes that you have discovered during the exercise, they relate only to your looks and image. Do you see that your image is actually made up of behavior and not from natural data?

In order to "recycle" received stereotypes, perform the following exercise. This exercise helps to understand what your beliefs, and what other people's. Feelings are indicators of acceptance or rejection. Write down all the "winged" phrases that you say or you have received non-verbally, that is, through experiences with different people, and not in the form of words. Read them again. Listen for yourself. Which phrases you emotionally respond? What are your picks? Where there is a feeling, the energy? Put in front of an empty chair and imagine for him as the person from whom you somehow got it "message."

Message: "You have to learn a lot, boys, girls marry smart, beautiful young ladies and they just enjoy." Remember who is speaking? Imagine that this person is now next to you. Play the picture: how he dressed, what his facial expression, he sits or stands. Presented? And now ozvuchte their reaction to these words, for example: 'Mum, I'm tired of your sermons, I have great respect for you, but I do not want to give all his time just learning. I want to dress and be feminine, gentle. I'm tired of feeling an exemplary student. All my life I did as you want, but I do not think all your words are absolutely correct. " Try to express what you really feel something never before told.

Notice how you see yourself at the same time feel and how you feel after exercise: relief, weight, anger, joy ... describe their feelings in a notebook. If you perform an exercise that is preventing, say what you feel at the moment. For example: "I can not tell you what I want because I have great respect for you. I should not tell you anything bad "- so you'll find yet another stereotype. In this case, answer the following questions:

Who says you can not say anything bad parents?

Why is it so important and valuable not to talk about their feelings?

And if you were allowed, then what do you say? Analyze everything that is written. Shall describe the columns all their observations, feelings in a notebook.

Each such stereotype requires careful elaboration of emotional for him to stop for you to influence. Using the technique of the "empty chair", you do not pronounce once said the words and dismissed from the muscle strain that kept your emotional response for many years. Your muscles take on greater flexibility, wrinkles, the body becomes flexible. And this is just one effect of this exercise. The second effect - you are no longer afraid to "break the rules, which you awarded the family and society, because now you know exactly what regulations you need, and what - no. This gives more freedom to do what you think is important, do as you really want, and as a result you start around people who share your values and rules.