How to communicate with the child?
Striving to become perfect parents, we are ready to deal. As shown by theory and practice of psychology, the most important thing in communication with the child - is to try to understand it. But this is what we get worse. Why did the kid come this way? Why do our words or deeds, he responds with a strange, completely unknown to us the way? Why is his behavior so annoying us? " How to communicate with the child? We are looking for the universal means of communication that could be applied in any situation. Such principles, of course, exist, but to use them, we need to get to know not the child and himself.
Principles of interaction
1. As little as possible bans!
Sometimes it seems that the main words of parents, with whom they communicate with the child, are "necessary" and "impossible". To understand what a child feels when he is ordered, it is enough to recall how we are responding to the word "necessary".
- Do it to us?
- Would we hear it?
- What are the emotions it arouses in us the word?
If it's not like you, then why should enjoy your child? Is he the soldiers to follow orders that are known to be discussed? He is quite able to understand your explanation, the data is, of course, with regard to age and more than once, especially if you try to explain everything to him, guided by his own desires.
"You can not" - one of the most common words in the lexicon of the parent. At some point parents realize that it prohibits the power runs out. Too many "no", this word will not work. Child no longer responds to the ban even if it is really necessary, for example during a dangerous situation.
Once I asked my mother to write a list of "impossible" that are not dangerous, because she was convinced that "impossible" and "dangerous" - it's the same thing. Here's what happened.
You can not draw on the wallpaper.
You can not spit.
You can not knock the wall neighbors, especially in the later time.
You can not scream, yell bad voice.
And indeed:
- You can draw on the old wallpaper, and when the child gets older, you change it.
- You can spit, if it does not hinder anybody (although doing so ugly).
- The wall can knock, but not at a later time.
- Scream and yell bad voice can be. Certainly not worth the hassle, but if the kid really wants to yell, then the mother can sit down and listen carefully - I wonder how much is enough baby?
And so on. Now try to compile its list of "impossible", but close to it - the list of words that can replace a traditional prohibition. You are surprised to find that in fact there are very few situations in which really should use that word. The child is almost always possible and necessary to explain why you did something he forbids it. The only exception is that the ban, which is required to give immediately to avoid danger. For example: Do not run across the road in front of the machine. Incidentally, this ban can be replaced by another word, such as: Stop!
2. Tell me that you now feel
Too many of us require the child to stop crying, whining, hysterical, that finally explained why he was crying. But the little child is simply unable to do so, it that no one teaches. Let us ask ourselves the following questions.
- How often do you do to voice their emotions?
- How often tell their children that feel?
- What words you're telling your kids about what annoys you?
- Explain whether you tell them the reason for your discomfort?
If you are accustomed to restrain their emotions, not surprising that the same you need from their children. If you think that crying is bad, and shed tears, to experience the presence of children - is a double evil, and your child you will impose similar bans. What does it lead? Not voicing out loud, not giving voice to our concerns, we accumulate anger, resentment, covert aggression. Similarly, so does the child. Only one way out. Learn by speaking openly about what bothers you, giving an example to the child.
3. Let the children cry!
Us from childhood was hammered into his head that cry poor, especially ashamed to do it boys: only girls cry, but real men do not have a right to it! But the crying - it's an unspoken desire to be heard. Case in point - a situation which is painful for both parents and child, - the adaptation to kindergarten. Every morning the child asks her mother not to send him to kindergarten, and at parting cries and cries. Want to get away from it screaming hurry to leave, not to hear it and let someone else soothes baby explains to him that my mother needed to work.
Talk to your child. Explain that you understand how serious the cause of his emotions - caring mother. And if he wants to cry, let him do it. And when he calms down, he can sit on the lap of the teacher, to play with other children. Of course, all this should be consulted in advance with teachers and explain why you insist on this approach. By the way, in such a difficult and new for your child really like to get used to the garden, be safe and positive reinforcement. Coming to the child, ask what interesting happened during the day and bring him something tasty. Suppose that in the mind of the kid kindergarten is associated with something interesting, fun and delicious.
4. Trust your child
If you believe that your child will not be able to:
- To move independently, to think, to understand the situation, make decisions and take responsibility for it;
- Understand explanations, if they are filed with the Chancery form;
- Answer questions;
- Find something to do;
- Too small ...
... Which means you do not trust your child.
So, you want it to be as long as possible to remain a child, which you can watch over and control, and you would have continued to play the role of stern Parent. But your child is waiting for you to approach an adult.
- Instead of lisp with your child, talk to him in human language.
- Instead of answering his questions and all chew themselves to ask questions and give time for reflection.
- Rather than to entertain him, let him to choose an occupation.
- Instead of thinking for him, give him the right to decide for himself.
5. Calm, not panic!
The greatest gift you can give your child - is to remain calm. I understand how hard it is, but let's see how many pros get you learn to control.
- You get time to think about the situation.
- You do not look in the eyes of a child screaming monster.
- You begin to respect myself for your peace of mind and effort required for this.
- For my husband and children, your society is beginning to be associated with a quiet haven where you want to come, to come back again and again.
- You are able to think soberly, because you do not have emotions overflowed.
Remember, dear parents that teach their child something valuable to the life you are only able to Adult. But you need to learn to see all three of their states: naughty child, ordering Parent and adequate adult.
