How to cease being a perfect mom?
Each of us wants to be an ideal place for your child's mother. It is not yet born, and we already imagine myself caring, patient, loving and caring mother. We think that we will cope with everything perfectly well. But here's the kid was born, and rosy illusions dissipate. We cry, nervous, depressed, not knowing that is to blame for our ideal image. So whether you want to be the perfect mom? What are the advantages and disadvantages of idealization? How to cease being a perfect mom ? Become an ordinary mother, capable, nevertheless, raise and educate a child, getting pleasure from it?
Is it possible to achieve the ideal?
Can we reach the sky? None. Ideal is unattainable by definition. He was blameless, he colored with rainbow colors, glitters and shimmers, it is possible to admire, for him to strive to achieve but it can not - you can only spend a lifetime in futile attempts. Remember how many times have you promised yourself to change and become at last a perfect mother: patient and forgiving, receiving his child as he or she is, loving his unconditional love, quietly watching the broken dishes and spilled milk. Much is changed after that? A little bit. Rather, you start more berate yourself and your baby. It - for the next trick, and myself - for the inept parenting. So should strive towards an ideal, or on the way too many pitfalls?
Pluses of the ideal
Ideal - as a guiding star. Certainly, it makes sense to navigate, but we should not forget to look under their feet, as well as the need to respect the basic rules for its establishment.
1. Lay the basis for the ideal image of their own desires
Do not try to match someone else's ideal. Try to ignore the advice of others, think about what qualities in this or any other situation I would like to have you personally. For example, if you want to patiently endure cries of offspring, rolls up the scene in a public place, then Wish for durability and balance.
2. Be specific
Do not try to become just a "good" or "dejection" mom. These abstract words is not much help to you. Focus on specific images, easy and understandable actions. For example, decide that you include in the concept of a "good mother". To smile about and without load with presents presents precious child, to anticipate his every wish? Or, perhaps, to stay calm when the baby gets sick, to be able in time to help, be able to listen and hear their child to remain silent when so want to yell at him or spank him? More clearly articulated your ideal quality, the faster you get them.
3. Be consistent in its desire to
Set your priorities. Of course, today you can dream to become the good mother in the world, and tomorrow - the hard-working. But it is better to choose one of the items and to identify themselves a number of specific actions to achieve the desired image. In other words, get a new healthy habit, which is known, it becomes second nature, no sooner than a month.
4. Ideal does not like being "attracted by the ears"
Most unfortunate that you can do - is to try to look perfect. That's when you can not escape the conflict between desire and reality.
Cons ideal
How will you look like when put on the clothes are not my size, such as children's costume or dress giantess? Surrounding probably laugh at you, and you yourself will experience a feeling of disappointment. Your ideal image - the same dress that you can currently do not come up, be not to face. And in that case you can not escape feelings of guilt for what you have not turned out to be perfect - the way you would like to see others, so what you imagine yourself in the pink dreams.
Feelings of guilt: how to combat it
All of us sooner or later begin to feel guilty. For what is not done once, for what has been done in the future because we are afraid, because not doing now because I do not have enough determination, patience, and God knows what. Feelings of guilt has a really magical powers. It can crush us, get to feel mediocre and the victim, no one needs and nothing incapable. Sometimes we may even feel that there is no escape from him, but fortunately it is not.
Enough to dissect this insidious feeling, as we shall see that it is only a product of our desire to be perfect.
Perfect mother, housewife, wife, mistress, daughter. Let's see where it all begins. Suppose you've raised a hand on her baby, screaming at him, rolling his eyes, and then, of course, started to eat itself alive, cursing at was worth its inability to control himself, inability to speak calmly. Then the story repeats itself again and again, until the amount of spanking will not reach its climax, and the cry becomes the norm. But why do you slapped the child? If you think, not only because of his pranks: the cause of your annoyance lies in the fact that you failed to prevent a bad situation, so you think you are far from the ideal image of mother and housewife.
Not ideal, but a real
Feelings of guilt is multiplied exponentially, while we allow ourselves to experience it. Is there any escape from it? There is, moreover, is quite simple. Output is to accept yourself for who you are at the moment.
- You always late, despite his desire for punctuality? Say to yourself: Yes, I am. Suppose I'm late. What would cause harm to others? No. Hence, I'll be late for your pleasure! Once you calm down and cease to worry about a deficiency, you will immediately see a lot of ideas how to overcome it. (For example, to cope with a delay is possible if every time out of the house a little earlier, distinguishing on the road longer.)
- You try to do everything at home and at work, but certainly do not have time neither one nor the other? Say to yourself: Yes, all I do is not have time. I'm torn between work and home. But in time everything is impossible. Choose those things that bring you the greatest satisfaction - both moral and material, and very soon you will notice that you have additional time.
- You try to match the image of the ideal daughter in law: great cook, to please her husband, smiling barbs and sometimes senseless demands of his mother? But is it your own desires? Tell yourself: I'm so, what is there. I love my husband and I want to be loved. But I can only do that to stand by the stove and restrain emotions, when I want to scream to the whole world! I want to be myself! Impossible to please everyone. Be sure there are people who will not like the way you behave. A to the closest and dearly loved ones is to convey that you accept them for what they are and expect them to retaliation.
Look at ourselves? Took themselves to precisely this: sometimes ugly, screaming, impatient and late? Just now you have a chance to live a normal life and get great pleasure from it - instead of spoiling your life meaningless attempts to reach a phantom ideal, and not even always their own.
