How do you handle criticism?
Feedback, but the experience and feelings, and even implies criticism. We all though sometimes have to listen to criticism. Reaction to criticism from different people have different and depends on many factors: self-esteem, stressoustoy-bility, the level of professionalism, education and so on. But in any case, there are a few rules that will help you understand how to respond to criticism and how to give. Criticism is: fair, unfair and hidden.
Fair criticism - is when your partner points to specific errors and failures that actually occurred. It is important to understand that mistakes and failures is what was negotiated. For example, if you agree that you wash the dishes, and you do not wash. A common reaction in such cases - self-justification, or the response criticism "is not the case." If you acknowledge that violate the general agreement, then the best solution - to apologize and offer a solution to the problem. For example:
"We agreed that you wash your dishes, but I often see dirty dishes in the sink.
Yes, this is true, but I have recently become very tired, I'm sorry, I'm not doing this right, I'll try it will not keep for long, and I'll be glad if you otneseshsya it with understanding.
Unfair criticism - criticism of personality, criticism of the actions, which are not agreed.It occurs more often, and listen to it much more insulting. Typical reaction to unfair criticism - aggression, neglect, self-effacement, silence - in this situation are not effective. The following are examples of how to react in such a situation:
-What do you disturb me, forever spinning under my feet when I have a lot of work, you are no good no!
The correct response:
-I understand that you have today a very busy day, how can I help you?
Another example:
-You are always going to be late! Correct answer:
Today, I am really late, but I usually come in time.
These two examples show how to respond to unfair criticism of action: in the first case, this criticism of the actions about which there was no prior agreement, in the second case - a synthesis.
An example of reaction to the personal criticism (criticism of the body, feelings, values):
"When you cry, you're so ugly! Correct answer:
-My appearance does not change what I feel. I live and so emotional.
Or:
"You bothered me with my jealousy! Correct answer:
Yes, I'm jealous. I, like all people, not perfect.
Hidden criticism - criticism veiled under interest, such as:
A student asked the teacher: "What is your education, Maria Ivanovna?"
It seems that this question is hidden accusation of incompetence. To understand this, you can ask to transfer the issue to the statement: "Put your question to the statement" or "What exactly are you interested in: my level of professionalism, high school, I graduated, my teachers or my research papers?" Refinement usually makes the interlocutor to go a more direct and clear contact, and inspires respect your openness and willingness to emotionally complex interactions.
Ways reactions to criticism
Depending on our perception we react to criticism in some particular way. This method of reaction, just like the rest of our behavioral circuits, lives with us since childhood. If your parents when you criticized the ban, you react to it, most likely, you are usually silent in response to criticism. If your family has been made to both children and adults could be outraged if they are something does not fit, you tend to respond to criticism. Here are some common methods of response to the criticism:
-Silent and think that others tend to agree with them, but inside - "ill", to suffer;
-Accept criticism as an insult and immediately respond by insults;
-Enduring, but to be offended, save anger;
-To criticism as to the person who does not know the rules of communication, and patiently explain to him that to do so is not necessary.
-Justify, to prove the critics wrong, cause arguments.
And so on.
If you are inclined to believe that the critics have the right to make your comment and it is true, then the criticism you very much hurt, hurt your feelings. Resentment does not bring any results and is not an effective way to help you become better, more confident. It is important to clarify what is counterproductive resentment: resentment remains within and does not entail action that could change the situation. With it, you're more pound himself into a corner, gradually it will grow into a sense of anger at the offender. And the accumulated anger, you can not hold back next time and, much to the surprise opponent, pour it all what you think. To change such a reaction, try to understand what you have so much hurt.
Perhaps you realize that you offend the actual words just because you yourself feel that way, agree with the critics, and cursed himself for those qualities. You can start to share what you feel when you say so:
-I am offended ...
-I hate to hear ...
-I would not want you to say so, for me it is very painful ...
Second step: try to acknowledge that you so carefully hide and deny. And stop blaming yourself for it! You - such a man, what is there. And if you do not accept yourself, and hide what is, if you do not believe that you have the right to be as you have - as it can recognize and accept others?
