Fifteen steps to confidence in yourself
Shyness - is not a sentence for life. There are different methods, techniques, exercises, mastering that man can change his life. F. Zimbardo shows four groups of such changes:
1) change the perception of himself and his shyness;
2) change their behavior;
3) change the direction of thoughts and actions of others;
4) change certain social factors that contribute to shyness.
Shy children are very strictly related to shyness parents. (According to him for about 70% of parents send their children to shyness.) Risk is particularly high in those families where both parents are shy. That is why, desiring to help their child, parents (or one of the parents) drew attention to himself and tried to help yourself, too. As a rule, shy - people with low self-esteem. To improve self-esteem recommend using tips F. Zimbardo.
So, fifteen steps to confidence in himself:
1. Recognize your strengths and weaknesses and give yourself a decent goal.
2. Decide that you are valuable, what you believe. Weigh the possibilities and decide how you would like to see myself. Make an inventory of the store your scripts and correlated them with the present day, with your current psychological state so that these scenarios are not ruled by you, and help to live.
3. Determine what is the basis of your personality. By analyzing its past to determine which personal relationships and decisions made you live exactly the way you live. Try to understand and forgive those who offended you and did not help when you need them, forgive yourself your mistakes, sins, failures, and past fluctuations. Permanently bury all the negative memories, but only after carefully eject all of them useful for yourself. Remember - as long as you live in bad memories, they own you. Immediately evict them. Populate room memory of the past successes, even if few of them.
4. Guilt and shame, shaping your behavior, diverting you from the positive goals, limit the possibility of creativity. Credibility must!
5. Consider the reasons for your behavior in the physical, social, economic and political aspects of your current situation, but not in terms of your personal shortcomings.
6. Everything is relative. How many people - so many opinions. Remind yourself that always and at all there is an alternative point of view. "Reality" has never been anything other than a partial agreement of people to call things the same words, but not as one would like to call them in accordance with their own ideas. Understanding this will allow you to be more tolerant interpretation of ideas of others and more generous in understanding the motives of other people's behavior.
7. Never speak badly about themselves, especially beware of such categorical assessments such as "stupid, freak, nerd, loser, hopeless people."
8. Do not allow others to criticize your personal qualities. The subject of discussion can only become your actions. Do not be afraid of feedback - it can be very constructive.
9. Remember that sometimes failure and disappointment - good. In some cases, enormous efforts are being spent on the wrong target selected, and then, time has taught us a vital lesson that failure to avoid a big disappointment.
10. Avoid situations where you feel discomfort, and the people with whom you do not want to communicate. If you can not change the situation or to correct its own reaction, going, until you have not started to develop a complex of inferiority. Life is too short to waste time of sorrow.
11. Give yourself time to unwind, relax, listen to ourselves, to enjoy hobbies and things you can do alone. That way you can communicate with itself.
12. In practice, be social creature. Rejoice, feeling the energy that emit other people, enjoy the unique qualities and versatility of your brothers and sisters. Imagine what they may have doubts and fears and how you can now help them. Understand why you need them and that you should give them. Furthermore, pleaded willing to share.
13. Do not protect your ego too much, it is more durable and resilient than you think. It bends, but does not break. Much better from time to time to feel pain in my heart from the fact that you did not act in the best way, rather than avoid pain at the cost of emotional dullness.
14. Define further goals in life and very carefully select the neighbors. Develop a realistic plan to achieve short-range goals. Regularly assess your progress and be the first ready to "pat themselves on the shoulder" or "whisper in his caution." No need to worry that you're not modest, if no one can hear your bragging.
15. You are not the object, which should always be only a bad thing. You do not look like a grasshopper, always forced to jump, so it did not come. You - the crown of millions of years of evolution of our species, the crown of your parents' dreams and aspirations of the Lord. You are a unique individual, an active actor on the stage of life that can have a direct influence on events. You can change the whole course of your life if you want it. If there is confidence in yourself, then turn turmoil a challenge to you my life, and challenges - to win.
A shy man accustomed to life guided by the opinion of any significant other. This may be a parent, teacher, friend (girlfriend), etc. This is often another influential incapable of adequate evaluation, because it is important to him at the expense of someone else's humiliation himself up in his own eyes and in the eyes of others. The presence of a number of such rights can only reinforce shyness, and therefore so important to always be free from his obsessive worries and pressures. If you can not do physically, then move away at least psychologically. One must learn not to take so painfully someone's criticisms.
