In conversation, discussing the merits or demerits of women, sometimes they say: "She is very feminine," or "it is not feminine." What is it determined? What measure is being measured? Is not it enough just to be born female to be a woman? In today's world is a paradoxical thing: a woman due to the vast number of their vital roles can begin so identified himself with these roles, that her own feminine essence goes for a second if not third plan.

At the first place she could be such things as strength, endurance, stamina, intellect, and such as flexibility, suppleness, the wisdom - to go into the background and become invisible, not only for others but for herself. Russia - a country of strong women. History has developed in such a way that, while the men fought, the women survived. And although since much time has passed, but still down from generation to generation mothers raise daughters: "You must be strong!" I want to shout: "Ay! The war ended long ago! Let's be happy, but not strong! "

Since femininity - is a weakness? Or stupidity? None. Things are not so simple. Peace can not be divided into opposites, black and white (so it would be easier) and decide: if the woman should be strong, so it should be weak. Then, well - she can not cope with the difficulties? ... And then be feminine? Fortunately, the world is not black and white, color it. In this chapter, we'll expand the femininity of the colors of the rainbow, we'll see what it is made and where we all hid. And most importantly - why? Often, one or another trait exists due to an unconscious we need, some use, function, or a bonus that we get from it.

In this case, any attempt to get rid of this feature is useless: it does not go away, because it actually performs an important function. And then useful to understand what are the benefits of this or that feature (in appearance, in character, in the image), and look for other means to implement this function, so as not to sacrifice their feminine selves. To begin with we'll look at how exactly do you represent yourself, who you think you are, discover your feminine self .

Exercise 1. "Who am I?"

Let's start dating. Ask yourself this question: "Who am I?" Describe yourself - write a few sentences that begin with the word Ya List everything you know about yourself as a person. For example:

I - my mother.

I - I love to dance.

I - was a doctor ...

And so on.

Now, say all your ideas about yourself out loud and keep track of your emotional reactions: how do you, that you - that's so? You may feel that your feelings are determined in any particular location of the body. Write down your feelings by answering the following questions:

a) exactly where you have feelings?

Stay with them, let's live in them;

b) feel how the body responds to your feelings, what a feeling? Lock this feeling, stay with him;

c) Determine what you feel: tremor, agitation, anxiety, guilt, anger, shame, resentment, anger, fear and pleasure. They do not necessarily have to be on this list, find your words - maybe they will be more accurate. Write them down.

Now, try to keep track of your thoughts that arise in response to feelings. For example, if you are worried then about what? If you worry, for what or to what? If you feel guilty, then to whom? If you're angry, then who? If you feel ashamed, then what and to whom? Feelings are a response to everything that is going around, and always have a destination or reason.

Write down your thoughts in the column "My thoughts and comments" for your blog.

This exercise is rather complicated and requires some skill of its execution, not all perform the first time in full. You can stay in a place where you feel pleasant or unpleasant state as a whole, but in this case, you only get to the "closed door", and just trying to feel in a harmonious unity of feelings and body, you will be able to look inside themselves and discover that something new.

Feelings are indicators - they show that a role we are not just so, and often to earn the respect and approval or to avoid punishment or rejection. Overloaded roles out of fear of rejection, or rejection, we lose our femininity. Some women at the training "How to marry the man of her dreams" define themselves by their positions at work, for example, "I - the assistant director of the transport company", others - on the role performed in life, such as "I'm - mom of three children, and the third - the interaction with others, such as "I am sociable and interesting girl." Virtually all define themselves in relation to a particular layer of the external world. This limits the approach.

Being a woman - does not mean "play"

As they grow older, we absorb information from others about what life should be and what it should be us. Certainly, the formation of the person affected by the environment in which the developing person. However, it is important for as long as the child grew up. In reality, we can see how, even as adults, and already having children of their own, people continue to behave as if they are being watched mom or dad, try to be "good" boys and girls. What kind of life scenarios lie behind this effect?

As a result of unconscious scenarios, some of us refuse to own dreams and seek to conform to the notion of life, which is considered correct other people, usually our parents. Gradually, we are receding from him, and learn to be not so, what nature has created us. For example, a girl grows into a family where the mother is responsible for any material and moral responsibility for all family members, including children, husband and ailing mother. A dad with a small salary, is not particularly worried about the family and basically lived their own interests. Mama may have verbally advised his daughter: "do more home, pay attention to their children and not rvis work, as is the destiny of men."

 And while his behavior to broadcast her that for the financial welfare of the family is responsible only to the woman, and men - are weak and helpless creatures who are themselves in need of care. It is often the behavioral message of girl accept as correct, firmly entrenched in her subconscious. As a result, triggered an unconscious mother's script and the girl finds a "weak" man, which need to be taken care of. In this situation it is extremely difficult to show feminine qualities, traits. Another option - when the two messages will be viewed as guidelines for action, and then the woman generally can not choose a man as one for her too weak, while others - too strong.

Many constantly live in fear that they could people say about them if they will not live as is expected of them. For example, it is difficult to consciously go out to upset his mother and instead enroll in the university financial GITIS. Some participants of our trainings are beginning to be ashamed of what they want out of life! For example, the training in response to the question "What is your dream?" One participant said: "I am ashamed to wish fulfillment of their dreams, because I do not deserve this. And anyway, they say that dreams come true, one must live the reality of life and not to engage in foolishness. " Parents will learn the words? It turned out that the participant said about her mother when she was 7 years old. The child in this age beliefs firmly laid in the subconscious mind, whether he wants to or not. And in order to get rid of them as adults, need to make great efforts.

Why we are ashamed of their desires? Shame arises from the belief that much more important to be what you want to see your surroundings than those which you want to be myself. This belief is not aware. This is a biological need, which is typical for children (to be loved, desired) focused on his survival, since the child can not survive one - he needs care and support for adults. However, when we grow up - we are free from this need, since we ourselves can take care of myself.