Family life requires flexibility

A man and a woman - is, above all, above all, the two opposite sex. Hence the difference. Nevertheless, in every man there is both male and female. Therefore, every woman in one way or another there are masculine, and men - women. And sociological terms "masculine women" and "effeminate men" are under is not only social, but also and above all the physiological nature. Naturally, the behavior of spouses are determined by their own understanding of family life, and each contributes to the family. The behavior of the husband or wife - is an individual response to the demands of a spouse. If the requirements seem to him absurd or unreasonable, the reaction may be as inadequate. As a result, conflicts arise, they sound mutual accusations and demands is still not satisfied.

Joint life requires each member of the family of constant self-control and sober self-critical evaluation of their actions. It is important to look at ourselves through the eyes of another person. And over time, the spouses clearly represent what the reaction would be another partner on those or other actions. Minimal understanding within the family becomes possible only when each member of the family is gradually moving towards one of his aspirations and dreams. A successful married life requires flexibility and accommodation. American psychologist G. Roland highlights the qualities, properties and values that it considers necessary to meet family relations:

● sociability as the lack of stiffness, ease of communication;

● high degree of mutual understanding within the family;

● sexual satisfaction between spouses;

● Trusts Mutual

● - instrumental and, most importantly, emotional support;

● - «House" as a place of coexistence of optimal family (meaning the psychological perception of the spouses in their homes as a permanent place of recreation, leisure, welfare and space needs).

In general, the husband and wife are able to coordinate their actions and deeds, only if there is agreement between them. This means that a successful marriage is largely determined by the fact that the couple has at least some general ideas about their life together. Marriages, of course, unthinkable without the love, but they are not only out of it. Life has shown that love sometimes comes to those families which were created without their participation. But if it was, and then it survived, it is, love is not returned. It is - ambitious and vulnerable person. It is not known how to live together Romeo and Juliet, if their story ended happy end.

Darling, what have I done?

It is difficult to honestly be called at least one marriage in which spouses have never had a quarrel over the first year of life. Family crisis during this period - a common phenomenon. Typically, crises arise in the collision of our ideas about life with reality. In the first year, the newlyweds live in a state of continuing surprise of daily discoveries. Moreover it turns out that living with another person, even with your beloved is not as easy as it seems. Especially if you do not just agree with him every step, but occasionally defend his point of view. It starts like this. First, give all the young to their best for each other, as if lifted on tiptoe to idealize her feelings and each other. They all concede to each other, they catch the slightest desire, ready to bring a star from the sky for one who has now become the second half.

But one probably is not too fine day one of them is wondering - why should be so, as he wants the second one? This is a turning point. First, he gently suggests that he should give (or that he is right, or that they were at home so it does not matter). Second thought, it was only his opinion. Having acquired such a position, each of the young couple seems to be necessarily so, as he said. And if his wife likes - let relinquish. Hence the debate on any matter. The most dangerous thing - is when the spouses do not share the notion of "relevance to the individual" and "relating to misconduct." Disagreement is not perceived as the difference in habits, upbringing, attitudes, and the lack of love.

They say that the smart has to give. Perhaps, but to what extent? And not always to do it. Probably do not need to prove that no marriage can not be happy if one spouse is constantly taking, and the other all the time gives. Or vice versa. Both feel that if they did not immediately show their character, they will be forced to constantly obey. You do not want to do in my opinion - that means you do not love me! If a young wife to repeat this ten times, it is necessarily on the eleventh hear that do not need anyone this love. Of course, this will hurt. And there will be only to cry: "Darling, what have I done?!"

But the greatest number of problems arise precisely in the sphere of everyday life. Especially if young unprepared to the fact that life - it is an obligatory component of marriage. To the family did not become a military training ground for socks or plates must be able to cooperate and work hard. It is therefore better if the beginning of family life will not occur in the parental home. Both partners are not able to plan home care. A young wife can not know how to iron a shirt, and a young spouse often does not know how to repair the castle, and why his wife was uncomfortable when he goes after work to drink beer or football. It is desirable that parents should not interfere in this process, and young people are likely to sort out themselves.

The difference in the upbringing and family life at home parent - is also a problem. This phenomenon in psychology has been called "transfer" and was first described by Freud. Its essence is that a person transfers his feelings for the other on is already known to him the scheme of relations. And in the first months of married life, we transfer to a partner all the carefully concealed feelings towards their parents, but do not notice, to raise a family on the model parent. Discord can trigger hidden hit parents. After the wedding, the young are often simply no time to communicate with parents. Those are often unwilling to accept such a situation and act in a measure of intelligence. Quite often such hidden "military action" a victory completed their parents as more experienced and sincerely believe in what they want the good to your child. At least the statistics says: The fourth part of the divorce rate is explained by the negative parental intervention.