Stability of its own positions and endurance to the reactions of other people - these are the main skills that are responsible for ensuring that you can go confidently selected by in life and other people you could not knock down this path. Usually you can easily knock a man's ways, which says:

• their needs are not quite so important as other people;

• that other people can not live without the attention and care;

• that it affects other people's feelings and manages them;

• what other people know best what he should do and what the need;

• What experience negative emotions is harmful;

• that he must live the same way as all, despite the fact that he does not like;

• that women should obey men, and children must obey their parents, even if they are wrong;

• that there are people strong and weak, capable and incapable.

I'll start with the belief that others know better what you need. This belief is formed in the very tender age, when my mother says a baby: "It's time to eat, you must be hungry." It sounds like: "I do not care what's wanted and what your body needs, I'd better know what you need." Initially, the child resists, but then, with violence, it taught to "obey", but really - the fear of punishment. And under penalty of perjury the child gets used to the fact that "mother knows best what I want." As a result, this translates into the future in the absence of an opinion, indecision and confusion in the simplest of situations where such a person is left without prompters. Then it can survive even a panic from what he does not advise which car to buy (this is one of my clients).

Even if you have not beaten as a child, parents could use such techniques to subdue you, that they are very difficult to detect manipulation, but if you feel in life that are still difficult for you to deny someone or make a decision contrary to the views of others if you regularly subject to the requirements that you nepodhodyat, it seems, these manipulations are still working. The following exercise will help us find them. . Remember your childhood: what are the products that you do not like you forced to eat? How do you persuaded or forced? What words to you demanded obedience? Forced to do homework or chores? Here lists the most common procedures.

Whether you love yourself?

If you love yourself, then you try to loved ones in your neighborhood was nice and easy, since the less they have unresolved issues, the less problem you have. If you love yourself, then you love other people because you respect then and their personal characteristics, just as you respect theirs. If you do not love yourself, then you allow others to make you hurt, scared, hurt, you impose something that you do not want to run your life apart from your will to live in a place that you hate, to communicate with people whom you do not carry, carry things that make you disgusted.

None of the others from this there is no good. Unhappy people are suffering and not able to give warmth around because he himself is no warmth and support. That is obtained by a simple trick: you're trying to please others, sacrificing himself, while to really feel deprived and resentful. It is often the people who make a "good", trying to prove that they are from this good! Of course, not obvious at first glance, the connection between them miserable, and the fact that they do good, but it just is.

Thus, to love yourself - it's not the same thing as not loving others. Moreover, others have every right to feel negative emotions! A belief that experiencing negative emotions, it is very bad. I will tell you a little secret. Negative emotions are the causes of disease only when they serve as a means of manipulation. For example, when a child reaches adolescence, parents are reluctant to allow him to become independent: a walk late to decide to which institution to enter, make friends with anyone, someone to love than to get involved. They start to worry. If this family to say "do not tear my heart", his parents every time a child commits an act disagreeable parents, begin to say "you rveshsya my heart." The child is frightened for the health of parents, parents unconsciously perceive this as a positive signal and perpetuate it.

Now every time a child does something evil, mom to get sick. And if she had simply said "do not tear my heart", but now she has to feel it to be convincing to a child. Let me stress again: this is no act of malice parent, it usually happens without conscious participation of the individual, because such behaviors are usually the family and handed down. In such a family that suffered and my grandmother and great-grandmother and so on, and the child eventually begins the same way to manipulate other people. This and hereditary diseases. If, however, when a person experiences negative emotions, do not be frightened, and sympathize with him, but continue to make their own way, this person will calm down and cope with their emotions. Not only that - will become more resilient and calm in any crisis situations. Confrontation manipulation is to  recognize what your own benefit. Manipulation is never the one hand, a mutual process.