The first rule of specificity and clarity to deliver information to others - an understanding that others do not understand (and do not have to understand initially) simply because they are different and different from you. Example of working practices: when I was a novice coach at the "first circle" (this is a procedure in which each of the participants at the beginning of the training appears to reports that he would get from the training, and tells a little about what led him here) I talked about what will happen something like this:

HP. We will conduct psychological experiments ...

Participants (frightened). What other experiments? Hypnosis, or what? You'll change my mind?

Now I'm starting a different way: "We will sit in a circle and talk. Sometimes I will offer you to show off on a given topic. Sometimes you will be discussing some of the questions in small groups (twos and threes). Sometimes I'll suggest you to describe some object or to formulate a phrase for the scheme. Perhaps you will experience vivid emotions associated with your personal history, and then it is important that this information is kept confidential so that others treated with respect for your feelings, not assessing you and your condition, and sharing their own experiences that they have respond to your ". Gets the length, that's for sure. But not scary and more or less clear. Sometimes we are so nods, and that others do not know, what we need. In order to reliably get in life what we need to master two skills: 1) be clear and understandable for the other (and not to nod), and 2) to ensure respect for their needs and requests. Yes, yes, respect for other people to us depends on us.

Training first skill is something to talk directly, and check whether we have heard. And to speak frankly about what you need, it is important to own a good understanding of what you need. To do this, I suggest you do the following exercise.

Write 10 sentences that begin with the words "I have to (must):

1.YA should ...

2.YA should ...

3.YA should ...

4.I must ...

5.YA should ...

6.I should ...

7.YA should ...

8.YA should ...

9.YA should ...

10.YA should ...

Then write a second list that begins with the words "I can not"

1.YA can not ...

2.YA can not ...

3.YA can not ...

4.I can not ...

5.YA can not ...

6.I can not ...

7.YA can not ...

8.YA can not ...

9.YA can not ...

10.YA can not ...

Continued exercises should be done only after the two lists are ready. Try not to look into the following lines, until the composition of these lists. So, after you've finished the last sentence, do the following. Cross out all the "I" and "should" and instead write the word "want". Read and change the list and listen to what feeling you have when you read this new version. Probably with some suggestions you would agree and think: "Yeah, I really want this" or "Yes, honestly to admit, I do not want, and when reading some experience and want to write a protest in front of the word" I want to "particle" not "or, alternatively, cross out the particle" no. "

If you experience this desire - to immediately do so, correcting their suggestions on the right for your senses. Probably, you'll find sentences in which correct to say "I do not know", for example, "I do not know how to ride a bike." Then write down there the words "do not know how." Or you'll find suggestions about who or rather ska "show" to me is not available, for example, can not I reach the stars by hand. Izmeneniyaiveti Make suggestions to make them honest. Read your list again, from beginning to end without haste. Answer the following questions:

• What changed for you when you read the proposals in this form?

• What do you feel when you say "I want" or "I do not want" instead of "I can not" or "I"? Record your observations in a diary of observations. As a result of this exercise, you may feel more freedom to choose or do not want something. When we say "I" means that we have someone that we do. Whereas in reality, we ourselves want it or not, but fear to stumble on opposition to other forces us to pretend to ourselves that we do something against their will. That is for sure, when you do this exercise, you would write: "I want to, but ..." or "I do not want to, but ...."

But the real action we perform on their own, but do not admit this to herself. We choose, to submit to this "but" or not, but often do not notice or do not want to see. Because the recognition of ourselves in the fact that I do something against their will, force also recognizes that no one except me, is not responsible for the events of my life. It is unpleasant to see: after all, if I have nobody to blame for the fact that I live this way and not otherwise. Also, if I confess that I myself choose, make me something or other, come one way or another, it becomes apparent that not scare me and force, and I'm scared and obey. But I can not do this!

Similarly, when we say "I can not, it sounds like:" I can get. " The trick is that we ourselves decide their behavior: Can we make or not, and his speech makes it around! The practical meaning of this exercise is to feel that the clarity of our statements to others, our specificity is directly dependent on whether we allow ourselves to decide what we want, what we want, that does not suit us. If you feel yourself just what you need, what is important to you, that does not suit you and what you exactly want from others, but what exactly do not want, you can clearly talk about this. Note that the opportunity to say something clearly is primarily based on your feelings.

There is something in your life that you need to transfer to another with a purpose. This is your inner experience, because you feel it and feel rather than just call some words. But to convey the same thing that you feel is almost impossible. We use words to convey this meaning, but, in fact, in the words, labels that accurately reflect the meaning. Thus, we translate our inner experience into words. When translating lose some meaning. On the other side of the conversation our interlocutor will hear the words. They may mean something different for him - he will give it another meaning. Just a little, but on the other. Thus, the second translation is performed, which also contributes to the loss of the original meaning of your experience. Then your companion takes you hear the word on your inner experience with meaning. Obtained third translation, which is almost nothing left of what you have said. And, just in reverse order.

That is why the clarification was necessary in order that we may learn to understand each other. And when we can understand each other better - then opens the possibility for cooperation with another person. Cooperation in this sense represents a joint realization of the goals and objectives, which, in connection with the understanding might be interested in both interlocutors. Life - this restaurant. If you are asking to have fed you - you bring the ordinary. If you want to get what you want - to be ordered and to be clear in your order.