I will begin with a "secret" that some parents may seem surprising. Children not only need order and rules of behavior they want and wait! This makes them understandable and predictable life, creates a sense of security. You must be familiar with how nervous and distracting from the rhythm of life baby, taken away from home for a few hours' visit, and he calms down, hitting home in familiar surroundings. Children are sometimes willing to support the order of magnitude greater than adults. I remember one touching scene. Mom and baby polutoragodovalym went for a walk. Opening the front door, but she would leave her open. A few steps, baby anxiously looked around, took out his little hand out hand mom walked unsteadily to the door and, with some effort, shut it. Order was restored. Glancing at my mother, I saw her embarrassed smile.

 All, of course, faced with another example of good "conservatism" of children, their tendency to repeat familiar: you're reading a book or preschooler tells stories. First of all, surprising that the book or story he was not bored, he is ready to listen to them indefinitely, although he knows it all by heart already. And try to change anything in the text - immediately followed by a protest, "No, you missed here," No, he did not say so, but so ... "To cite one case from personal experience, which shows a violation of the order may be quite upset and even scare a child.

 Once I was asked to sit with a girl three years. Her parents, my friends, they decided for the first time in three years to get to the theater. Until then, I rarely saw a girl, but she knew that she was rather alarming. However, parents were counting on my "mental skills", and I must confess, too. "Let's play into something very interesting - I suggested - for example in the house!" Memories of their childhood, and monitoring other children, offers hope that the girls play like it. "What is it?" - Timidly asked the girl.

 And then I enthusiastically started to show "how to". Turned over a few chairs, pushed together and covered with a blanket on top. Tried to put more into the "House" table lamp. And then I heard a sharp cry of a girl: "Now put everything in place!" - She cried, frightened to death. Later I learned that her parents never allowed in the house of such disorders. Children intuitively feel that a parent "can not" hide the care of them. Children need rules! One teenager bitterly confessed that his parents did not love, because they allow him too much, including the fact that it is prohibited to other guys. "They are, in my opinion, simply does not matter to me" - sadly concluded the boy.

The question arises: if the guys feel more secure in routinely and certain rules of conduct, then why do they strive to these procedures and rules to break? Why on this constantly complaining parents, educators, teachers?

You can name many reasons, they are much more than it seems at first glance. In fact, kids are not rebelling against the rules themselves, but against the way their "introduction" (agree, this very familiar to hearing the word already indicates the strong-arm tactics). So let us formulate the question differently: how to find a way to conflict-discipline a child?

Think about this discipline every parent dreams of. This is certainly the most difficult and delicate task of parenting. After all, the method of its solution depends, to grow a child internally focused and responsible person or not. There are several rules that help establish and maintain discipline within the family without conflicts. Rules (constraints, requirements, prohibitions) must be in the life of every child. This is especially useful to remember the parents who want the least possible distress of children and to avoid conflicts with them. As a result, they begin to follow the tastes of their own child. This permissive parenting style.

Rules (restrictions, requirements, restrictions) should not be too much, and they must be flexible. As you can imagine, this rule cautions against the other extreme - education for a "crackdown" that is, authoritarian stilyaobscheniya. Both rules, taken together, suggest a special sense of proportion, especially the wisdom of the parent in addressing the "can", "should" and "impossible".

Golden mean

Find a middle ground between permissive and authoritarian styles helps us to image the four color zonpovedeniya child: green, yellow, orange and red (the idea of zones belongs to an American psychologist, we will modify and supplement to his). In zelenuyuzonu put everything that is allowed to make a child at his own discretion or zhelaniyu.Naprimer, in which toys to play with, when to sit down for lessons in a circle inscribed with whom to be friends ...

Looking for examples, I must confess that ran into difficulty: not so much have an effect on their choice of the Child, to which all parents would agree. For example, some adults believe that the need to control the cooking lessons, watch out for those with whom their son went for a walk, etc. On the one hand, their concern is valid, on the other hand, I think they themselves would be happy to remove the burden of unnecessary worries.

Child's action, in which he is given relative freedom to be in the yellow zone. He is allowed to act on their own choice, but within certain limits. In other words, he can decide for itself, but subject to certain rules. For example, you can sit down for lessons when you want, but to finish the job by 8 o'clock in the evening. You can walk in his yard, but no further go.

This zone is very important as it is here that the child learns to internal discipline by the mechanism known to us from the outside-inside. Parent at first helps the child to hold direct impulses, be careful and learn to control themselves just by the rules and regulations established by the family. Gradually getting used to these rules, the child follows them without strain. However, this occurs only when other rules no permanent conflicts.

Therefore, the adoption of conflict-child requirements and restrictions should be subject to your particular concerns. Try in each case, calmly (but briefly!) To explain what caused your requirement. In this case, must emphasize that it remains a child for his or her free choice. When children feel a sense of respect for their freedom and independence, they are easier to take parental restrictions.

But there are circumstances when we have to break the rules. Such cases fall into the next, orange, area. So, are these actions oranzhevoyzone child, which in general we are not welcome, but because of the special obstoyatelstvseychas allowed. For example, after a long absence Pope arrives at 10 pm, and the child is not allowed to go to bed before his appearance, and even tomorrow, do not go into the garden. Or: the kid scared scary dream, and his mother takes him to his bed until he calms down.

Finally, at last, red area of the child are unacceptable under any circumstances. This is our definitive "no", of which we have not made exceptions. Can not be beat, pinch or bite mom, play with fire, break things, hurt small ... The list is "growing up" with the child and brings him to a serious moral norms and social taboos.

Thus, all zones combined, we are told that the rule is the rule strife, and that it is quite possible to find a middle ground between the willingness to understand - and be firm between flexibility - and determination in the process of discipline.