Let's revise the standards that generate our claims to the surrounding people. This method is recommended only in cases where people do not take into account the place with natural variations, depends on the past memories and not taking life in its new reality. What's it mean? The fact that over time people change both internally and externally. And are you ready to take almost a new person who was next to you after years of cohabitation 05/10/1920? Unfortunately, it turns out not all.

Many are not prepared to stay calm when the father of a confident and energetic man is transformed into an eternal Irritable pensioner. The husband is not ready to place a fun flirtatious wife to see the constant irritation concerns and disease my wife. The wife is not ready, instead of brave young man to take her husband with his endless beer and friends. Parents are not ready, instead of obedient children to independently-minded men or women, etc.

We are frantically clinging to the old way and not willing to accept reality in all its glory. Previous images obscure new reality and give rise to a claim to it because it does not coincide with what we used to see earlier. Is it possible this to do something? It is clear that the objective reality - with the weight of the wife or husband's love to the computer - nothing could be done. Remains only to learn to accept it as beyond our control "force majeure" - like a hurricane, severe frosts and other natural phenomena with which we do not even try to fight, although they sometimes do not suit us. How to learn to safely treat a partner in marriage, if it occurs are not satisfied with your changes? Change the standards!

 Adopt a new standard

First you need to accept that the vision of people around from where you came from, was normal (standard) some time ago - when you've just met when you were young or in other circumstances, but many years ago! Years passed and much has changed. And you're still out of the past vision of the situation from the past standard. We all have a lot of outdated standards, in violation of that we fall into the experience, rather than accept the reality as the new standard and begin to live in new conditions. If you're not going to divorce, instead of claims to the beloved change their expectations. Accept the new reality as the new standard and live, on the basis of it. And not because of their outdated ideas about how should look or act your partner for marriage.

Evolving standards in other situations

This method of changing the standard can be used not only in order to remove the claims against the husband or wife because of the changes occurring in them. Possibilities of this technique is much wider. For example, several years ago, you together with your partner (friends, colleagues) started some work, burning with enthusiasm and carried out the work day and night. Years later, much has changed. Perhaps you have remained spermatozoa ready to be worn all day and night on various matters. And your partner is bloated, started a family and gastritis, and is not ready to spend on things so much time and effort as you. You feel about this considerable irritation, presenting partner claims about his laziness and selfishness. In order not to accumulate emotional negativity and change the standard "

Lower the bar claims

The general idea of adopting the new standard is very simple: you have to drastically lower the bar for your claims to the people around them (or yourself), and then it turns out that all is not as bad as you thought earlier. Simply you have had excessive demands, which gave rise to rejection of reality. Now you have reduced the level of your claims (replaced by standard), and the reasons for the feelings have disappeared. While the reality remains the same as was, just that you have ceased to worry about. And this is the rejection of idealization. This technique can be used whenever you have some expectation of peace imposed by society or by past experience, which is a source of prolonged suffering.

This is what happens when reality has changed, and we're trying to see the world as it once was. Examples of standard beliefs are: "A woman should have a family", "A man must be strong" or "A man should be the breadwinner", "A child may live without father," "The family should be one for life and some others. Our world has changed a lot since then, when those beliefs truly reflect reality. A hundred years ago the men really were generally strong, and miners, all of them lived in families and raise children. It is important that new standards reflect the reality, and not another fruit of your fantasies.

People tend to hang out on the memoirs of those situations where they felt good. The reality could change dramatically, but people continue to compare it with what is in his memory, and rejects the change. To the memories do not become a source of long experience, are encouraged to adopt a new standard that surrounds you today, and stop comparing the reality of past events. In order not to suffer long-term claims to the partner in marriage because of the changes occurring in it are encouraged to adopt its new image as a new standard to which he must comply. And if it meets the standard, then you have no reason for him to have any complaints. If the old standby (old standards) for you very important and you can not review them then enjoy a development of their ability to respond flexibly to changes in the surrounding life. Become more flexible themselves, and then it turns out that everything in life is beautiful and there is no reason to condemn the objective reality.